I feel like Im doing everything just to exist, but I dont feel like Im truly living. "
We recentlyaskedmembers of theBuzzFeed Communityto tell us why they regret moving to another country for their partner.
Here are the stories they shared:
Some submissions are taken fromthisReddit thread.
Anonymous
2.
I put myself in that situation, believing I was proving my love and demonstrating my trust in him.
I was completely dependent on him, and he exploited this to control me."
“Every moment became about him, and he held me responsible for all his needs.
It took me years to realize that this wasn’t just an unhappy marriage; this was abuse.
In fact, I didn’t recognize it until years after I finally left.
He eventually “fell in love” with someone else and moved her into our home.
I tried to warn her, but she was blinded by him.
I didn’t return and haven’t seen him since.
I regret it 100%.
I put myself in a vulnerable position where I was wholly dependent on him.
And I wasted over a decade of my life in that marriage and healing afterward.”
I feel like Im doing everything just to exist, but I dont feel like Im truly living.
“Moved to Canada from the USA.
Not a huge move.
Met my husband abroad.
I had stars in my eyes.
But I didnt know anyone.
His family was cold.
The country is cold.
I got pregnant quickly and was just sick, sick, sick.
The sun never shines, the city is ugly, and Im awfully lonely.
Going on 24 years.”
“I gave up my career.
While on maternity leave, my husband was offered an awesome new opportunity in Finland.
We had always wanted to live abroad but thought the opportunity had passed when we had children.
I found that working in my industry at a senior level was challenging without knowing the local language.
“I moved to the UK with my ex when we were 18, right after finishing school.
wardenfelix
7.
I was so excited to build a new life together.
What I didnt realize was that I was expected to slot neatly into his pre-existing life there.
No new adventure for him, just a new girlfriend living in his flat.
I went from an independent, confident woman to a very confused, lonely ‘idiot.’
Maybe with the right partner, it would be easy.
deborahweibel
8.
The people in her city were unbelievably rude, and I met the most openly racist people imaginable there.
Plus, I couldn’t get over all the trash and stray dogs.”
wickedgoose68
9.
“We lived together blissfully happy for ten years, even got married.
I started to feel very isolated and without much-needed support.”
natfish88
10.
“We broke up three times within 21 months of me moving.
Plus, I dont think my mental health could have handled continuing in my hometown.
I know this was the way it was all supposed to work out.”
lizk41ced1621
11.
“I moved to South Africa for my partner.
However, I am currently not enjoying living here.
To begin with, there are frequent power outages throughout the day, every day.
Since I work online, the Wi-Fi also goes out during these times, causing me to lose money.
It’s incredibly inconvenient.
“Short answer: It didn’t go that great.
I met my husband online 13 years ago.
I was in the US, and he was in London.
A few days after our marriage, I came across a ton of gay porn on his computer.
That was surprising, to say the least.
We’re still together, but I have a lot of insecurities and we have virtually no sex life.
Another surprise was his hygiene.
It didn’t occur to me that without my own promptings, he wouldn’t shower often.”
u/throwaway_woot
13.
“I flew across the ocean and moved in.
I then moved out.”
u/CarmNL
14.
“I’m seven years in.
I moved from the USA to the UK.
It’s been hard.
But the worst part is learning that my S.O.
wasn’t the person I thought they were.
They have terrible hygiene and never help with chores.
All attraction is gone.
And now I’m stuck in another country and don’t want to start all over again.
Don’t quit your lives for love, kids.
This was years ago, and a big lesson learned!
I wish you all the best and that you relocate with confidence.”
u/girlatasmokeshop
Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
