“I wouldn’t share too much and make my kids my therapist.
I’m not saying not to share at all, but limit it.
And because they were so traumatizing, they refused to repeat these behaviors to their own children.
hey proceed with caution.
I was four when they divorced, so you’ve got the option to imagine the impact.
She followed it up by saying I should be happy she loved me so much while he didn’t.
That’s still their parent, and they’re allowed to love them.”
u/Beginning-Age-8655
2.
Ive vowed never to minimize my childrens feelings."
Now I cannot talk about my feelings without crying.
I would always get in trouble for expressing my emotions.
Even now when trying to communicate with my boyfriend, I will cry and he will immediately get defensive.
I constantly have to tell him that I’m not upset, I just cannot control it.
Then I get frustrated with myself for crying."
u/musicallyours01
3. u/Always_a_Hawkeye
4.
“They never said, ‘I love you.’
They clothed and fed us, and even helped us financially when they could.
But, it would have been nice to hear, ‘I love you.’
My children will hear it every day.
Theyll probably get sick of hearing it.”
My mum will text it, but not say it.
I tell my kids every day.
My five-year-old said yesterday, ‘You don’t have to tell me every day.
I know you do.’
But I said I’d like to anyway, and he said that was fine ."
u/amelia_greggs
5.
“Expose them to toxic family members.
So, I always had to deal with my aunt bullying me and constantly putting me down.
u/Scribe625
6.
“I wouldn’t share too much and make my kids my therapist.
I’m not saying not to share at all, but limit it.
I always knew how ‘poor’ my family was and how much we were struggling.
I always knew when my parents were having marital problems and ‘bedroom’ problems.
I know all about the trauma my mom has endured.
This has led to a big problem in my relationship with my mom years later.
Now, if my mom tries venting to me or anything, I literally don’t care.
I don’t want to hear it.
I get mad the entire time I just want her to shut up.”
u/twinbyrd03
7.
“They always acted like nothing was ever wrong.
I really wouldn’t change a thing.
If they do, they have failed.'
They didn’t mean to do this and they meant well.
u/EarlyEarth
8.
“I never got ‘the sex talk’ from my mom.
All of my older sisters were teen moms, and thank god one of them gave it to me.
I still wish it was my mom, though, due to the history of my sisters.
And then I overheard her talking to my boyfriend’s mom, criticizing me for being on birth control.
I still will never understand why.
When I asked, she just swept it under the rug.”
u/ripe_mood
9.
Well, no shit: You turned down all the opportunities for me since I was five years old.
I would never do that to anyone, not just my children.
I don’t want anyone to create failure for them like this.”
u/RichGirlGeek
10.
I would never stay with a spouse just ‘for the kids.’
The mental toll constant fighting parents takes on a developing brain is severe.”
u/LoserBroadside
11. u/IeishaS
“I’ve made it very clear to my kids, ‘you might always come back home.
We are here to love and support you until we’re gone.’
35 and going through a divorce?
Are you a person addicted to drugs and are working towards becoming sober?
u/danger_bears
12.
“Smoke while [my kids are] in the room or in the car.
It’s probably not surprising I am a non-smoker anyway.”
Youll be okay if we just roll down a window, right?'”
u/queen_soo
13.
“My mom would often compare me to my cousins.
I struggled in math, and according to my mom, that was ‘the end of the world.’
She often said, ‘Why can’t you be like your cousins?
They don’t struggle in math.’
u/zingular1232
14.
If we did not, we were punished.
I understand her parents went through The Great Depression, so I don’t hold this against her.
But, as a parent, my dinner rules are completely different.
I refuse to argue about food period.
Mealtime should be calm, family time.
It takes maybe five extra minutes.
Our lives were so busy when the kids were young that I made sure dinnertime was peaceful.”
u/Eldritch-banana-3102
15.
“Saying, ‘I love you, but I don’t like you.’
I double-check my kids know they are loved and appreciated every day, even when things get difficult.”
u/hogwarts_earthtwo
“I’m not sure [my parents even realize they do this].
u/Kansai_Lai
16.And finally, “I was raised in a more traditional household growing up.
I was bullied pretty extensively as a kid.
I would frequently come home crying after a good days worth of getting picked on.
My dad was essentially teaching me, ‘Boys dont cry.’
10-year-old me took this entirely too hard.
I stuffed my emotions way down and felt a lot less.
Truthfully, though, this isnt something Im ready to change about myself.
Id consider myself a sort of ‘modern man’ no anti-gayness or misogyny.
Still, this is not a lesson I would wish for my children if we had any.
u/AfraidOpposite8736
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
