We recentlyaskedmarried people in theBuzzFeed Communityto share secrets about marriage they’d never say out loud.
Here’s what they had to say:
1.
“Taking intentional time apart.
He always goes away for a big ski trip with his friends.
“You don’t have to change your last name.”
daisyswierc
3.
“Never quit dating each other.
Very ill from cancer, he insisted on having dinner out for our 40th anniversary.
It turned out to be the last time.
Be thoughtful with little surprises.
Be courteous, even in the tough times.
It’s you and him against the world; not against each other.
Let your significant other see your tears and tender heart.
Keep your confidential conversations between the two of you.
Most of all, if true love leads the way, everything else falls into place.”
“It’s not the big things that drain you the most.
It’s figuring out dinner every damn night.”
BJ, California
5.
“Love comes in waves and that’s how it goes during the long haul.
Sometimes you have to brace yourself and ride out the low points.
It takes a real commitment, but the highs outweigh the lows if you keep working at it.
Still in love after 43 years!”
“Marry your best friend!”
Ray
7.
“You’re not going to like your partner from time to time.
You might not even think you love them, and this can last months.
It happens, and it doesn’t mean the marriage is over.
“Marriage is like climbing a mountain.
When one of you starts to slip, the other grabs their hand and pulls them back up!
Always be there for each other.”
Anonymous, Omaha, Nebraska
9.
“Remember that your partner is human and allowed to make (reasonable) mistakes.
As their partner, they’re looking to you for support and love.
No matter how pissed off you are, show grace.
Who knows, one day you may make a mistake and need their support.”
“I’d say this out loud but it takes effort!
If you go on auto-pilot, you’re going to have problems.”
Leah, Colorado
11.
“My husband doesn’t know…I can’t stand my in-laws.
They are his parents and he loves and respects them deeply.
I also want my children to have a close relationship with their grandparents.
It’s a good one for my husband to never, ever know.”
“Marriage is hard work.
Learn new things keep yourself ‘alive,’ and learn how to thrive independently.
You won’t always be a couple so learn how to be solo.
Who knows, it might make you attractive and alluring to your partner again.”
MomSedSo, Illinois
13.
“Pick your battles.
Don’t sweat the small things.
Compromise on everything but don’t compromise your self-worth.”
“you might do all the work on yourself and heal yourself alone.
Always confirm it’s someone willing to be there through the hard times.
Anonymous, Kentucky
15.
My husband is 17 years older than I am.
As a result, our friend circles have shrunk.
So, the sex does not always die in marriage.
Antonio, Florida
17.
“Respect is possibly more important than love.
Fighting (defined as saying something to hurt the other person) is stupid.
Disagree like mature adults and talk it out.
If you think someone has to ‘win’ you aren’t ready for marriage.
You don’t have to share everything just because you are married.
It’s OK to have separate blankets, toothpastes, etc.”
18.“Wait!
Wait until you’re at least 30.
I say that because you’ll be established.
Not just financially, but also spiritually, mentally, and politically.
You change so much in your 20s that you don’t become who you are until 30.
I love my husband.
We’ve been together since high school.
We got married when we were 23 and 24. Who we were then is not who we are now.
It can be so, so hard and very conflicting at times.
If I had this advice, I honestly would’ve waited.”
Mrs. T, Maryland
19.
“There might be times you aren’t ‘in love’ with your spouse, and that’s OK.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
