“I regret not being strong enough to break it off before we reached the altar.
I knew it wasn’t forever, and I never loved her.”
Weaskedmembers of theBuzzFeed Communitywho have been divorced to tell us about any regrets from their previous marriage.
Weheard fromso many brave, vulnerable folks that we made a part two to share MORE stories.
“We were married for 10 years.
After a few years, he put everything before his family work, hobbies, and friends.
I begged and begged him to spend time with me and our kids.
Everything else was more important.
He went outside our marriage, so I did as well…and I instantly regretted it.
I regret the way our divorce went down.
I regret being an emotional and mental punching bag for him.
I regret not standing up for myself.
I regret our lack of communication.
There will be much better communication in the next marriage, and I will NOT be a punching bag.
My next marriage will be completely and totally different from my first one, and 1,000x better!”
Anonymous
2.
“I regret marrying and having kids with someone terrible with money.
When our children are grown, I’m sure he will sponge off them, negatively impacting their finances.
He is a true parasite.”
dazzlingkitten42
3.
Clearly, we weren’t."
pinkpuppy16
4.
“My biggest regret is that I didnt work on myself more before marriage.
I trusted societal standards instead of my gut, which caused a lot of turmoil for me.
grumpymagician215
5.
“I regret mistaking comfort for love.
My (soon-to-be) ex-husband always made me feel very comfortable and safe.
I was young and had gotten out of a toxic relationship a year before meeting him.
He was the opposite of my ex and much older than me.
He respected my feelings and ensured I was comfortable before initiating anything.
“Those feelings help you not take your relationship for granted.
My ex and I had to learn that we were/are much better as friends than as married mates.”
emberdahlia
6.
“I regret marrying on the rebound.
Then, I bumped into my ex, who quickly clarified that he was still interested.
I forgot there was an excellent reason he was my ex until two months after the wedding.
bloodwynne
7.
“I wish I’d recognized my use of porn as an addiction.
I knew porn was wrong and that I should’ve looked for a partner and love.
I’d rather be abstinent now than harming mine and my partner’s hearts.”
boringcentipede20
8. laughinglion10
9.
“Don’t marry someone to feel like you belong.
I got married so I could feel like I belonged to a religion.
It didn’t work.
No matter what, I was never going to be accepted.
After 16 years, I was finally ready to accept I would never be happy in that marriage.”
“I regret getting married.
I was miserable the morning of my wedding.
When I saw him, I felt empty.
I was young and had fallen for his ‘no one else is going to take you’ speech.
I didn’t have any self-worth.
I found it and divorced him.
And it didn’t take another person to make me feel better.
I just learned to value myself.”
“The number one thing I regret after the end of my first marriage is not grieving.
I was the reason we got divorced.
To a huge extent, I still do.
I know what I did was wrong.
There was a lot that I just accepted as gone without processing.
It’s complex, but what isn’t in relationships?”
“I hate to say this, but I regret having a kid with him.
Since my ex’s abuse was only towards me and not our daughter, he got 50% custody.
Co-parenting with him was a nightmare, especially when it came to dealing with our child’s behavioral issues.
When I recognized the need for our child’s therapy, he did whatever he could to undermine it.
He would discredit me to the therapist and say I was paranoid.
As a result, the therapist wrote off my concerns.
He didn’t believe that his child should experience consequences.
When our child got into fights at school, he would harass the teacher who punished her.
She has been institutionalized to avoid being incarcerated.
This is after years of exhibiting violent behavior at home and school.
It didn’t have to be this way.”
As a result, our child got into trouble that his bullying can’t get her out of.”
I wish I had divorced my ex before I put all my eggs in another man’s basket.
I thought, ‘It can’t be that bad,’ and I went through with it.
heroicking51
15.
“I regret ignoring all the red flags at the beginning.
I gave up many friends and some family.
I stayed way too long, first because of a dog, then because of children.
The only thing I don’t regret is my three beautiful kids, so it’s good I stayed.
“I regret not pushing harder for counseling sooner.
“I regret not listening to my dad.
My father never liked my ex-husband.
Dad knew from the start he wasn’t a good fit for me.
I regret not taking his advice because it would’ve saved my daughter a lot of heartache.
I got married at 19 and divorced at 36.
I didn’t want my daughter to grow up in a broken family.
I learned that emotional abuse is just as bad as physical and not worth staying for.”
“I regret letting my spouse handle all of the banking and bills.
I dug further and found overdraft fees, suspicious purchases he wouldn’t discuss, and late payments.
joyfulminion70
19.
“I regret thinking marriage would fix our relationship.
We even cheated on one another, but didn’t acknowledge it.
I thought getting married would help reground our foundation, but we divorced six months later.”
“My ex-husband cheated on me several times.
I ended up revenge cheating, which I regret.
All I did was successfully make a toxic situation way more poisonous.
NEVER compromise your value or your dignity for ANYONE.”
My worth is not based on my partner or relationship status.”
I really recommend background checks and some sort of private investigation BEFORE you go out with someone.
Don’t waste your time.
The other regret is being afraid of being alone.
This pushed me to make terrible choices.
I wish I’d created much more of an active social/home/hobby life.”
“I regret not being strong enough to break it off before we reached the altar.
I knew it wasn’t forever, and I never loved her.
I let her take the alpha role and went with the flow.
My best man and brother tried to stop it the night before, but I decided to plow through.
It was done six months later, and I am ashamed of what I put her through.”
skimelephant13
24.
“I regret marrying someone my family and friends barely knew.
They could have helped me realize earlier that the man I married was not right for me.
Those aren’t the only reasons being gaslit and threatened were among the top contenders.
“I regret passing off strange, pre-wedding behavior as cold feet and ignoring signs from the universe.
I kept seeing ads for cheap divorce lawyers everywhere before the wedding.
We also got married despite having different opinions on having children.”
I dropped out of college my senior year to get married.
I worked nights and weekends so we could have the extras because he made very little.
It was good enough for me.
“I got left high and dry with four kids still at home.
His child support is never enough.
I work four jobs because they flex around my needs as a single parent.
I have no backup.
I have to be there if school is out because of the weather or if a child is sick.
My job has to allow unlimited parenting space.
He does nothing except play ‘super dad’ in the summer.
I get back up at 6:00 a.m. to go to work.
I have no regrets about having my children.
I regret choosing him to be the father.
I haven’t had a vacation in eight years.
I refuse to trash their dad, even though he never paid one penny of alimony or even offered.
He was so unkind to me!
They have date nights, and he showers her with everything he denied me.
I couldn’t even get a hug.
He refused to hug me.
We didn’t even get to go to a nice restaurant to eat.
It was winter and cold.
It’s becoming beautiful.”
Marry the person they are.”
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
