Just some top-shelf jokes from the guys who go around the house turning off all the lights.
Believe it or not, but there’s still no Pulitzer Prize for the dad joke.
Don’t believe me?
Here are some of their best groaners:
1.
“I was the best man for my brother’s wedding in Paris.
It was a French Toast.”
andersonfmly
2.
“I stopped at a little roadside shack that said ‘Lobster tails $5.’
“I told a joke on a Zoom meeting and no one laughed.
It turns out I’m not remotely funny.”
Winterwoollies
4.
“I got arrested today for walking out of an art museum with a painting.
FeralPixels
5.
“SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
What you may not know is that Tuba is also an acronym for Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.”
madazzahatter
6.
“I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!”
EndersGame_Reviewer
7.
“I told my wife I was building a model of Mount Everest.
She asked, ‘Is it to scale?’
I replied, ‘No, it’s to look at.'”
Ynotasub
8.
“A woman in labor yells, ‘Shouldn’t!
The doctor tells her husband, ‘Don’t worry, those are just contractions.'”
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.”
“Doctor: ‘You had twins, a boy and a girl.
They’re both fine.
And, you’re brother named them for you.’
Woman: ‘No, No, No!
He’s an idiot!
What did he name the girl?’
Doctor: ‘Denise.’
Woman: ‘Ohh, that’s actually a nice name.
What about the boy?’
Doctor: ‘Denephew.'”
BrendaBana
10.
“Her: AI?
Her: Oh.”
porichoygupto
11.
“Did you hear about the man who invented the shovel?
Some say he had a ground-breaking invention.”
That_Guy1776
12.
“My wife kicked me out because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions, but don’t worry.
I’ll return.”
sitesouk
13.
‘Have you heard of Murphys law?’
‘What is it?’
‘If something can go wrong, it will go wrong.’
Have you heard of Coles law?’
‘No, what is it?’
‘Thinly sliced cabbage and mayo.’
no_bon3s_about_it
14.
“As an American, I’m tired of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.”
yomommafool
15.
“I handed my daughter an apple.
She said, ‘But dad, I wanted a pear.’
So I handed her another apple.”
myverypunnydad
16.
“My girlfriend is turning 32 soon…I told her not to get her hopes up.
‘After all,’ I said, ‘We’re only going to celebrate it for half a minute.’
lemindfleya
17.
“I fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels.
She never knew I existed.”
“I once swallowed a bunch of synonyms.
It gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.”
BiffMayhem
19.
“Me: ‘The baby is only 67% done with pooping.’
How can you tell?’
Me: ‘Two turds.'”
“A group of dolphins is called a pod, and a group of falcons is called a cast.
battlerazzle01
21.
“A girl on Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture.
I told her I’m just looking for a match.”
PickledPhallus
22.
“I’ve been telling people about the benefits of eating dried grapes.
You know, raisin awareness.”
“Astronaut 1: ‘I cant find any milk for my coffee.’
Astronaut 2: ‘In space no one can… here, use cream.’
CheeseheadDave
24.
“A man at a funeral approaches the widow and asks if he can say a word.
She nods her approval and he takes the podium.
The man says, ‘Plethora,’ then exits.
‘Thanks,’ the widow says, ‘That means a lot.'”
Visotto1
25.
“Is it possible to give someone a skin graft from your butt?
Ass skin for a friend.”
mynameisJVJ
26.
“What do you call someone who only believes in 12.5% of the bible?
Boinator6000
27.
“How do you get 100 math teachers into a room where only 99 fit?
You carry the one.”
prlugo4162
28.
“An old man was lying is his bed dying when he smelled his favorite cookies.
Those are for the funeral…'”
DazedMonk
29.
It must have been the delivery.”
TheQuietKid22
30. anon1292023
31.
“Do you know why milk is the fastest liquid?
It’s pasteurized before we can even see it.”
Riselythe
32.
To be fair, the people he was photographing did have a go at warn him.”
MaxCWebster
33.
“What was more important than the invention of the first telephone?
The invention of the second telephone.”
Xfl_roughnecks
