But its how conflicts and disagreements are resolved that distinguishes tension from toxicity.
Below are some signs that you may be dealing with a toxic parent as an adult.
They manipulate you to get their way.
Even as adults, wecrave our parents love and approval.
A toxic parent will take advantage of this so that get what they want.
If you refuse to appease them, the threats will only continue.
They belittle your feelings, often accusing you of being too sensitive.
In other words,they gaslight you.
If you disagree with them, they say youre being disrespectful.
With toxic parents, its their way or the highway.
Theres no room for healthy discussion or compromise.
Even as an adult, your opinion seems to hold no weight.
The lack of discussion gives you only one option capitulation and, yes, thats abusive.
They constantly criticize not just your actions and decisions, but your character.
Toxic parents criticize not only what you do, butwhoyou are.
This is meant to undercut you, have you doubt yourself or blame yourself.
The theme was always the same: her mothers wisdom was unquestioned and [the client] was clueless.
The client often left these calls convinced shed never stop second guessing herself, Malkin said.
They blame you for their problems and emotions.
Theyll tell you that their ownrelationship issuesorfinancial troublesare somehow your fault.
Even their negative emotions become your responsibility.
Theyll say that if you hadnt done X, they wouldnt have gotten so angry.
On that note, our experts offer some advice on how you might deal with a toxic parent.
Reflect on what you want these boundaries to be and then communicate them clearly to your parent.
Its not easy to do, but it will become more comfortable over time, Carino said.
Being firm and consistent is an essential part of maintaining boundaries.
Limit contact with your parent, if necessary.
If your boundaries arent respected, consider lessening contact with your parent.
That might meancommunicating only via email or short phone callsfor the time being.
Parents dont suddenly change and become nontoxic, psychologist Chivonna Childstold the Cleveland Clinic.
Know that your parents negative reactions arent a sign you did something wrong.
A lot of parental toxicity stems from narcissistic traits, he noted.
Narcissists are so driven to feel special that they envy other peoples talents and insights.
In fact, theyre more likely to undermine your successes.
Talk to a therapist.
The best strategy to navigate this tricky terrain, Streep said, is to work with a gifted therapist.
Carino underscored the importance of getting counseling to find healthy ways to deal with a toxic parent.
