A high-value man has 5,000 a year and a house in town.
So shoot your shot, I guess.
4.
i love it when i can tell a friend is doing their content rounds.
thank you for sending me a tweet and a tiktok during your shift at the post factory queen.
see you again in 2-8 hours
5.
I brought a watering can to dinner tonight because a friend had given it to me earlier.
as I was leaving the restaurant, a woman told a waiter shes stealing your watering can!
and then I had to be like this is actually mine which is embarrassing for no reason!
8.
actors reminding writers theyre still picketingpic.twitter.com/DxU0tO2jO4
9.
I think Joe Jonas overestimated how much the average person is Team Joe Jonas.
I didnt sit through 8 seasons of the most stressful poorly lit show to support that man.
But she definitely gonna meet your momma.
I hope this dog never stops biting secret service.
Im casually fucking this man.
I come to the door.
Awkwardly make small talk for 10 minutes.
But tonight was different.
I offered this man a water, he starts telling me something hes excited for this week.
and i panicked and said for fun
17.
would you like to check your account balance?
today I closed the account and collected all of that money.
Getting your identity stolen rules!!!
Havent seen no squirrels lately and all of a sudden mc Donalds got 50 cent burgers
27. reveals them to be selfish, scatterbrained, etc.
nfl team graphic designer.
to make a bird look as mean as possible
32.
Forgetting your manners in the south is ma’amnesia
33. ive just experienced a lot today and….. its just so soothing after i said hi.
yes, just this
37.
Babe, whats wrong?
Youve barely chugged your Eggo Brunch in a Jar Appalachian Sippin Creampic.twitter.com/rKPDboLqRJ
38.
But I had to go grocery shopping.
Later Morgan was like “you bought … so much, like a lot, of cheese.”
Strike needs to end.
You know how many birds I can name now?
WAS RUNNING FOR THE TRAIN.
FOOT SLIPPED OUT OF BIRKENSTOCK.
TOUCHED SUBWAY STATION GROUND WITH ENTIRE FLAT BARE SOLE
45.
Boy math is how 510 measures 6https://t.co/85djuD5Nql
47. im like do i want pizza for lunch or a burrito?
and my brain is like actually id rather starve to death
50.
She pointed to her wrist and said, “Sorry, my son is calling!
“I said, “Wow!
“Today I am explaining to my manager why I called her a “Dick”.
We shoulda rioted when Dollar Tree added that quarter.
That was the beginning of the end.
