We asked couples therapists who have seen the good, the bad and the ugly.
But most of the time they treat each other in thoughtful, understanding and respectful ways.
Heres what we can learn from them:
1.
They dont shy away from tough conversations.
They dont keep score.
Can we talk about that?
Baquero said
3.
They dont hold grudges.
Theyre willing to apologize and forgive.
They can make, and also take in, a sincere apology and move on.
They dont call each other names.
I often hear partners call each other idiot, loser, nobody and other expletives.
But their overall view of their partner remains positive, supportive and respectful, Baquero said.
Your partner has already told you the interesting highlights.
Why read their work emails if thats not your job?
Why go through their drawers when you have your own chores to do?
In a healthy relationship, there is no sense that anyone is hiding anything worth discovering.
And I also think some snooping or peeping is forgivable if the average person might also be tempted.
Did you leave a strange bag out in plain sight?
Inquiring minds want to know about it.
Did a message with a puppy pic just pop up?
Who got a puppy?
Strong relationships can navigate minor boundary violations easily, she added.
They are par for the course, expected, and can even bring people closer together.
They dont lie to each other.
Healthy couples are able to be open and honest with one another they dont lie directly or by omission.
In my experience, dishonesty never helps, Northey said.
At best you get away with it, which is a burden you have to carry.
But from my observation, its rare that people get away with it.
Maintaining a lie makes it hard to maintain connection.
Healthy relationships support you being your true self, Northey said.
They love you for who you are.
They support honesty by accepting hard truths without hurtful reactivity.
Healthy relationships support a dynamic where the truth can thrive.
They dont treat their partner like an opponent.
They avoid viewing situations through a winner-loser lens, Smith said.
When you dont treat your partner as the enemy, its amazing how much happier your relationship becomes.
Some issues you cant simply agree to disagree on, said Reilly.
Will your mother-in-law come live with you?
Will you adopt a puppy?
Unhappy couples say, Too bad, Im doing it anyway, Reilly said.
They dont take each other for granted.
Toavoid falling into a rut, the happiest couples also find new things to explore together.
They look for activities, events and experiences that inject fun and energy into the relationship, Feuerman said.
