Relationships can be complicated, especially when you feel like you’re at the breaking point.
So Iaskedpeople in theBuzzFeed Communitythat were close to divorcing but chose not to, to tell me what happened.
Here’s what they shared.
“My husband and I had been separated for a few months and were discussing divorce.
A friend of mine invited me over along with a mix of single and married women.
I was completely disgusted by the things they were saying.
“Weird but true: A loveseat and texting.
My husband and I had been married for 7/8 years at that point.
I felt truly alone in my marriage.
There was no romance or date nights.
We were ships in the night.
Sitting in that loveseat watching a movie and cuddling and touching.
It saved our marriage.
We have been married 23 years now and still happy and as close as ever.”
jackismith
3.
“Been married for 14 years.
When we got married, we decided right then and there that divorce was not an option.
That no matter what came our way, we would stick it out and work through it.
We are both extremely stubborn people and also very different from each other except for our religious beliefs.
The way we communicate is like two different languages even though we speak English.”
“But we keep pressing on and working through it.
We apologize and are honest with each other even when it may hurt.
And honestly, my opinion on the necessity of love in a marriage has changed too.
I now believe that a marriage needs respect even more than it needs love.”
sleepingminion78
4.
It was the best vacation ever.
We could not stop talking and fell back in love.
Both quit one hobby and one job right after the vacation to have more time together.”
“Faith in God.
It let both of us stop and see each other as He created us and sees us.
Then we started to communicate again.”
Anonymous
6.
“Agreeing that divorce is not an option.
And offer each other grace as we grow.”
“Neither of us is perfect and we can be patient as we learn to be better.
Never underestimate the power of an ‘I hear you’ response in an argument!
“A new home and good therapy.
Our marriage was not good, my husband was an addict and hid it from me for years.
I had so much trauma, but I saw the disease.
It took him years of therapy to finally become clean and see the monster the addiction created.”
“We both sought individual therapy.
Working on ourselves helps us become open and honest with each other.
We respect boundaries, which ironically brought us closer.
Our relationship works because we are both willing to work towards being our best selves.”
I had not done everything I could so I kept working.
I did not want my kids to think I just gave up.”
“We realized some of the things we felt unfulfilled about weren’t really because of our marriage.
Get a job offer in a different city?
you’re able to just up and move.
Want to adopt a dog?
“Over the course of 15 years, we have broken up once and separated twice.
With all my past relationships, I never had that feeling before.”
We’ve been through therapy with varying degrees of success and many different phases of our relationship.
In 2018, I almost left her but chickened out after moving out.
Three years after that, mostly thanks to COVID confinement, she got fed up and finally left me.
But when I saw how mad she was at me, I suddenly realized she really did care.
I told her, ‘Tell me the rules, Ill do what it takes to get this right.’
She didnt expect that but gave us a second chance.
Were still making repairs but weve never been closer.
We hope it will continue and look forward to another 20 years or more together.
It seems like its working so far.”
However I knew that when I chose to marry him, thinking those days were behind us.
We moved to a big city and our life became exciting.
“Yet poverty kept us under the same roof, and after that big fight, his behavior changed.
I don’t want to leave him.
He’s my best friend, but I also am never going to be played for a fool.
So he better be done lying to me about his substances!!!”
Responses may have been edited for length and clarity.
