Being the eldest sibling can be hard, but being the eldestdaughtercan be absolutely exasperating.
I’m the eldest daughter of four, so trust me, I know.
Here are some stories that candidly showcase the eldest daughter experience:
1.
You have to figure everything out on your own.'
“I’m the oldest of three and the only daughter.
We grew up in extreme poverty, and I took care of my brothers from the age of 10.
My youngest brother still refers to me as his ‘second mom,’ and he’s 35 now.
We went without so much, and I was parentified and responsible for way too much way too soon.
Sadly, my brothers have never been able to break the cycle.
It’s heartbreaking because we used to be so close.”
lesliec40b05e02e
3.
“I was an ‘oops baby’ when my parents were teens in the late ’60s.
In 1971, when I was almost two, I was kept in another town for three months.
My parents were always working, so they could only see me on weekends and on my second birthday.
By the time I was four, my brother came along a planned baby.
My parents doted on him.
My parents were there for him every day.
Maybe five years later, my brother and I got into our own respective sports.
I started playing softball, and he took up hockey.
Guess who had more parental support?
In my parents' eyes, my brother could never do anything wrong.
Despite trying my best to have a good relationship with them, I always end up feeling left out.
“My brother is the oldest, but I’m the oldest daughter.
My mother babied him and dumped on me.
I was her assistant and punching bag, and it took years for us to heal our relationship.
I was 14 when she said that to me.
Afterward, I was confused why I felt angry toward her.
chasingsmiles
5.
“I’m the eldest daughter of an Asian family.
My mother had me at the young age of 20.
I ended up not getting married and settling down until I was 36.
After multiple infertility treatment attempts, I unfortunately am unable to bear children.
“I’m the oldest of three and the only daughter.
I love my parents, but my brothers were clearly favored.
Meanwhile, my brothers got C’s, one had a pregnancy scare, and the other was arrested.
I was lucky I had friends with older siblings who’d drive me to my sports games and practices.
My parents split their time between my two brothers, while I had other parents cheering me on.”
Anonymous
7.
“My two younger siblings and I are all four years apart from each other.
But the shift in religious upbringing is what I’m struggling the most to forgive.
Meanwhile, all my youngest sibling remembers is going to Sunday school to color and have fun.”
Claudia, 30, Missouri
9.
“As the oldest of four, I was definitely parentified at a young age.
Most weekends, I babysat and took care of my siblings.
When I was 16, my parents divorced, so it got even worse.
Meanwhile, I was still trying to be a kid myself.
As my mother’s health declines, no one has stepped up but me.
I was so tired of being the person everyone leaned on.
“I’m the oldest and only girl, and growing up, my dad was never home.
It was really rough growing up, and I never got any credit for basically raising my brother.”
ilovecatsandmyhoodies
11.
“My sister is 17 months younger than me while my brother is four years younger than me.
Things were good for a while after my mom got remarried, but then she got another divorce.
On top of caring for my siblings, I was also doing everything I could to help my mom.
Then, she married a man who gambled and was addicted to alcohol.
That brought the suicidal thoughts out of me.”
“I’m the second oldest but the eldest daughter.
My brother, the only boy, was treated like a prince.
keetawnandon
13.
“I’m the eldest of four girls.
They said that since I was the oldest, I had to set an example for my sisters.
That had a lasting impact on me.
Well, one of my sisters was not afraid to argue with our dad.
I would ask her, ‘You aren’t afraid?’
and she’d say, ‘Why would I be?
It’s just Dad.’
I am working on these issues, but it’s definitely been a struggle.”
“I’m the oldest of six.
My mom had me young, so she was trying to finish her degree and get a job.
I don’t even know how I had time to do my own homework.
Now, my time is my own.
Even so, I still get triggered when someone tells me to do a household task.”
If something goes awry with me, they know not to do the same on the next child.
“When I turned 16, my parents divorced.
My mom got very ill and was close to death.
Anytime I brought up my feelings, I was told, ‘Think about how your brother feels.
This is really hard on him.’
When I was 21, my mom remarried and had another child.
I was always trying to be very polite and respectful; my parents were certain of that.
But when I was 10, my little sister was born.
My little sister never learned to have respect or empathy for others.
She’d always see what I had and break or steal it, just because she could.
When we were younger, this meant stealing and ripping up pages of my diary.
As adults, this means her sleeping with my fiance.
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
TheNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineis 1-800-273-8255.
