Im not angry, youre angry.
Getting into a disagreement with another person is never easy.
It often brings up uncomfortable feelings likestress, anger or sadness.
But while arguments are generally uncomfortable with just about anyone, they are extra difficult with narcissists.
Just because you have an unpleasant interaction with another person doesnt make them a narcissist.
Someone with pathological narcissistic traits may meet some but not all criteria for NPD, Grosso added.
We asked therapists to share the phrases and behaviors narcissists commonly use in conflict.
Heres what they are:
1.
Im not angry, youre angry.
I cant believe youre attacking me, I always get blamed.
No matter how wrong your loved one is, they can never see themselves that way.
Instead, theyre always the victim.
This victim mentality leads narcissists to believe they are constantly being wronged or mistreated by others.
You may hear a narcissist say things like, I cant believe youre attacking me like this.
Im constantly being criticized and judged unfairly, she said.
If you loved me, you would do this.
During a conflict, its common for narcissistic people to lean into manipulation, according to Cwynar.
This language is intended to control so they can get what they want.
They will use strong language like … You should have known I was upset.
Long-winded expressions that dont touch on the point.
So, they may spout statements that dont connect just to confuse you, she added.
And they just go on and on and on and on.
Eventually, you forget why youre even fighting because the conversation has gone so far left, she added.
A bonus red flag: Theres often little or no negotiation or compromise.
When in an argument with another person, typically there is some sort of negotiation.
This is not the case for someone in a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder.
Theres typically no negotiation because their patterns are just so disagreeable, Riaz said.
Additionally, negotiation isnt a goal because this person just wants to get their way, Cwynar noted.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, its important to take care of yourself.
To cope, Riaz said its important to seek therapy.
In the end, its important that you take care of your physical and emotional needs.
