These conversations generally happened when one of us started dating a new guy.
Of course, the early days of a relationship are often a period of uncertainty.
Still, it seemed to Anderson that the uncertainty usually worked in mens favor.
That kind of unspoken work deserved a definition, Anderson thought.
(Its highfalutin sounding but hermeneutics is basically just the interpretation of language, whether written or spoken.
Its a word thats often used in philosophy and religious studies.)
Its a euphemism for hermeneutic labor, she said.
Hermeneutic labor can be divided into three stages of emotional work, according to Anderson:
Sounds laborious?
Thats because it is.
Hermeneutic labor is a form of emotional labor.
Therapists who work with women say hermeneutic labor comes up in their sessions.
Generally speaking, women often let men take the lead in such communication.
Women are conditioned to do this, Boateng thinks.
Dating is a repeat of this past.
I would not want someone to give their therapy time away to someone who is being cryptic over text.
Ask for clarity.
Be direct, and lean in for more clarity.
Is there a way for you to briefly respond to my more timely texts at night?
If youre the uncommunicative one, make a point to up your participation.
Acknowledge and appreciate any quality communication.
Hermeneutic labor tends to go unacknowledged, which is fair its a newly coined concept!
This recognition can be validating and can lead to a more balanced relationship dynamic.
If youre dating a hardheaded non-communicator, remember, you dont have to be.
The easiest way is for the confused party to refuse to play, she said.
If someone faults you for asking for clarity, that is a red flag.
I hope I dont have to explain why!This article originally appeared onHuffPost.
