And the reason that were doing that is because, long ago, our brains paired safety with belonging.

Getting rejected by another person now is not a near death sentence, but it still feels that way.

has just been ingrained in us for centuries.

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Pretending you’ve seen a movie you’ve never seen or scrolling your phone to appear busy are both signs of FOPO.

The second phase is checking, Gervais said.

(This is why, he said, we forget peoples names.

We are more focused on our own survival than actually listening.)

A woman stands with arms crossed, looking upset. In the background, three people are engaged in conversation

This anticipatory phase and this checking phase are exhausting.

You become an expensive organism to run.

This is whyfatigueis such a real deal for so many of us, he added.

A person in casual attire stands looking at their phone while riding an escalator indoors

The third phase is known as the responding phase.

If you feel seen right now, you certainly arent alone.

How many people can truly say they have no regard for other peoples opinions?

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And it wouldnt be realistic to completely disregard others opinions either, Sagaram said.

So, how can you tell if you are letting another persons opinion compromise your authenticity?

And then in doing that, we are looking outside of ourselves to see how we feel about ourselves.

People sit in a support group. A man in glasses and a blue shirt embraces a woman beside him, both looking content

In reality, people arent paying attention to you nearly as much as you think.

Nonetheless, worrying too much about others opinions leads to following a path that isnt yours.

Breath work and self-talk can help center you during the moments youre feeling overwhelmed, Gervais said.

Three women enjoying drinks and laughing together in an outdoor garden setting. The woman on the right wears a light floral dress, and others wear casual attire. Names unknown

If you struggle with FOPO, you could consider what you identify with, too.

Most people have a performance-based identity because we live in a performance-based culture.

This kind of identity is rooted in how well you do, not in who you are.

Person sitting on a stairway with a yellow backpack beside them, looking thoughtful and distant

Or … how we want to come off rather than what do we feel authentically, Sagaram said.

They can help you sort through your own values and beliefs versus what society has told you.

Sagaram gave as an example.

An example of this is your body image, she added.

And now here I am, in my 30s, still fixated on how I look.

This way, youll believe in yourself and know thatyouknow whats best for you, not someone else.