I want to change that.
Thirteen men showed up.
I felt pretty nervous, but it made it easier knowing that we were all open to a connection.
“All I could focus on was how quiet the library was, and how everyone might hear him turn me down…"
With most of the men, the conversation flowed.
I kind of surprised myself.
There was no need to fall back on the icebreakers on each table.
However, there were three guys who it was a challenge to talk or flirt with.
The result: I matched with three guys, including the dad fromInside Out.
Sadly, he left my IG follow request on read.
The context of the speed dating event put me at extreme ease.
It was a nice warmup of what was to come.
The Hollywood hills looked beautiful from my seat at the library.
I tried to mine my brain for an easy excuse to talk to him.
Eventually, he left.
A wave of shame washed over me: It sucks to feel unconfident.
And then I caught someone else’s eye.
He wore a green button-up with zebras on it and white eyeglasses.
“I’m editing a book of poems I finally finished writing,” he said.
I asked if I could read one of his poems.
He slid the printed draft over to me, and I took a seat.
I liked what I’d read.
So, I asked him if he wanted to grab a drink from the bar up the street.
“I can do that.”
While he was a lot older than me, it felt easy talking to him.
He told me about growing up in Chicago, and I shared about growing up in Texas.
He paid for our beers.
Before we split at the crosswalk, he thanked me for talking to him first.
“I like it when guys are confident,” he said and gave me his number.
Well, he didn’t need to know about earlier.
As I walked up the stairs and heard the music blasting, I felt my heart beating fast.
I guess even cowboys get nervous sometimes.
But I had my brave gay pants on, y’all.
A guy in a gray tank, silver chain, and light jeans rocking stubble stood out.
He was hot, and he was keeping up with the line dances.
He stepped off the floor for a break, and I went up to him.
“You look great out there,” I said.
“How do you know all the steps?”
He told me they teach lessons every month.
I already knew that.
I just needed an opener.
I quickly introduced myself to establish rapport.
Then add the feet and arms.
Those are toppings.”
But three times, he stood by me, and each time, we briefly talked.
“I’d be down for that,” he said.
Twenty minutes later, we were making out on the patio.
Here’s what happened next: We left separately.
At closing time, I left the bar with an old friend I bumped into.
We were talking about lives post-college when a guy in a pink hoodie said bye to my friend.
I recognized him from the bar.
As he walked away, my friend poked me in the ribs.
“Dude, that guy likes you.”
“And I like him.”
Before I knew it, my feet were moving toward him.
“Hey, I’m Pernell,” I said once I caught up to him.
“Would you wanna walk around downtown for a bit with me?”
It was the morning of the last day of EDC Las Vegas.
A guy in a bucket hat and open Dodgers jersey was also studying the agenda.
“You look like you know what’s good to do,” I said to him.
“What do you recommend?”
I didn’t have enough brain power to be decisive.
Cartoons was all I needed to hear.
I plopped on the grass and watchedSpongeBob SquarePants.
When I looked behind me, I saw the guy.
So I asked if I could sit next to him.
Maybe it was because we were watching the newerSpongeBobepisodes, but he kept asking questions.
I started wondering if he liked guys, too.
We decided to split from theSpongeBobscreening since neither of us were laughing.
Instead, we strolled around Camp EDC while he held his parasol above me for shade.
I said it reminded me ofBridgerton.
Then, he started talking in a (bad) British accent.
By then, it was like a string was pulling us together.
“Do you want to get on the ferris wheel?”
That’s where we kissed.
Maybe we could be more than festival baes.
He said yes, but we’ve rescheduled so often that any heat has cooled down by this point.
At 8 p.m., we were two of seven people in the bar, including the bartender.
An hour and a half later, two guys walked in.
The one in the red Death Cab for Cutie shirt caught my interest.
I wanted to approach him, but the bar was quieter than the library.
As my friend and I ordered another round, he asked my opinion if he should date his coworker.
I decided to lean over and ask the two guys what they thought.
We’re still texting.
It can feel good to feel seen.
That way when I do want to approach a guy, it’s a little less scary.
I’m glad I tried this out.
It helped me discover some untapped confidence within me.
And it also reminded me that I live in a predominantly LGBTQ+ friendly city.
I don’t have to worry as hard about my safety.
That’s a blessing I don’t wish to waste.
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