“Recognizing these early signs can save years of heartache.”
Note: The below article discusses emotional abuse.
a lot of people provided their vulnerable stories.
Here’s what they had to say:
1.
“I had a notebook counting down the days until I was 18.
I started it at about 13.
I moved out at 16 and havent looked back in 17 years.
Wow, I didnt realize until typing this that Ive lived longer outside of that toxicity than in it.
What a relief.”
“Realizing the distance between us wasn’t just physical but emotional, too.
They’d call every once in a while, and I dreaded it.
The phone rings, and my heart sinks.
I started screening calls, texts went unanswered, and visits became annual formalities.
The peace in choosing my mental well-being over trying to meet their impossible expectations was the turning point.
u/LilyPhoenixx1
3.
They could only contact me by mail and could not hold their money over my head.
I was free and still am.”
And I knew something had to change.
It wasnt going to be my parents, so it had to be me.
I had to stop showing up to take it.
I had to stop putting myself and certainly anyone I love in their destructive path."
u/AffectionateTitle
5.
“When they dont see you as an adult, and they still see you as the controllable child.
Youre an adult doing adult things in every other sphere of your life.
The lack of respect and caring for you as an adult wears on you.
If they have a personality disorder, you have to tiptoe around, which accelerates this process.
Three major turning points were:”
6.
It takes courage to break the cycle, but recognizing these early signs can save years of heartache.
u/RoseRowan1
7.
I was 14 and his only child.
We spoke maybe a dozen times for the next 30 years.
Outlived his next wife.
I took care of his affairs, his only child, and all that.
I still don’t, four years later.
I have three sons.
They all talk to me, even the grown ones.
We get together once a month for dinner and games.
It’s always a great time."
But I was always gaslit into thinking it was because my requests and needs were frivolous.
I was pretty independent, so I was left to use my own devices.
My older siblings constantly needed support and help.
“Six years later, I realized all of the effort was coming from me.
So, I stopped trying to extend the olive branch.
They didn’t care even a little bit.
I wasn’t wild; I was the black sheep that always had been.
My childhood was abusive, and my family never really loved me.
They just wanted to own me.
I had to fight so hard to succeed in life despite everyone telling me I was worthless.”
u/Bearacolypse
9.
“In my 40s.
My dad died three years ago.
Before his death, he was the only reason I was in the same room with my mother.
I didnt speak to her at all for almost two years.
After my dad died, I tried to be the best son again.
I called her often, etc.
My dad was mybest friend.”
“The lack of interest and care from my mum.
As she became neglectful and abusive, the opposite became true.
She never talked to me about my hobbies or no shared activities whatsoever.
Not a kind word, a hug, or making me food to feel better.
Just a silent car ride home.”
u/proudgoose
11.
“I always knew my mom was a bit of a pathological liar.
She liked having her stories, especially when it meant entertaining people.
Going to the park meant watching cartoons all day.
Ate some pasta and apple sauce meant havingice creamand cookies.
She even gave him caffeinated soda at the age of two.
I found out from my aunt, who lives with her, what was actually going on.
When I confronted her, she was like, ‘This is what grandmas do.’
For the record, we didn’t ask her to watch him.
We had other sources of childcare.
She would ask to spend time with her grandson but then get easily frustrated when he would fuss.
My undiagnosed autistic ass was in the habit of telling them what Id learned at school.
I was scared to tell him anything after a few rounds of that.
My parents took that as secrecy, and they began searching my bag and my room.”
“I havent had a diary since, and Im 40.
It worked, but I only managed to quit last year).
My mother ignored it and focused on my brother.
I speak to them.
Theyre coming to my second wedding next month.
But were not close.
When they get too intrusive, they get firm blowback.
Neither of them is welcome in my home.”
u/RadioSupply
13.
I just wasn’t at their beck and call like they’d been accustomed to.
They slowly started pushing me away.
I lost count of how many times there would be a fun family outing being planned.
Note: Responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911.
