“I believed at the time that I was building strong girls into strong women.
It feels as though I’ve done the exact opposite.”
Here are some of the most-upvoted answers:
1.
“My kids still speak to me, but not much.
I’m better than I was, but I was a crap parent.
Poverty was part of it.
Bad chemical decisions.”
My parents were atrocious, and I really thought I was much better.
Actually, Iwasmuch better, but I wasn’t betterenough.
It was hard for me to show love because I never experienced it myself.
I wrote him a long letter, apologised for my faults, and honestly have tried to be better.
u/basketma12
2.
“My daughter doesn’t talk to me as much anymore.
She moved out when she was 22.
It traumatised her.”
I text her every few days to tell her that I love her, and she responds in kind.
It altered the course of our lives."
u/Hey__Jude_
3.
“I was an asshole, a shitty parent, and an alcoholic.
That was 14 years ago and he hasn’t spoken to me since.”
u/Exciting_Raspberry79
4.
“I was estranged from my adult daughter for quite a while.
I know where I f*cked up.
I thought that only I knew what was best and forced my thoughts/opinions into every conversation.
I tried to steer her clear of the ‘hard road,’ but she took the exit anyway.”
“I was a total ‘pick me’ mom.
I was jealous of her relationship with her deadbeat father and resented them both.
I had to learn to let it go!
This was way beforeFrozenby the way!
We have a pretty good relationship now.
We have not gone to counselling, but we have spontaneous chats about her childhood/young adulthood.
She’s a mom now herself who asks me for advice.
I don’t think she really forgives me for everything, and that’s okay.
There’s some stuff I don’t forgive her for either.
We have a truce and make a run at work through the hard stuff together.
Hopefully, we will come out on the other side with a better understanding of each other.”
u/AQUEON
5.“Neglect.”
u/Working_Asparagus_59
6.
“My daughter cut me off because of masks, vaccines and politics.
My grandkids live 10 miles away and I havent seen them in three years.”
u/originalgoatyoga
7.
“In my case, the catalyst was January 6th.
My oldest son started chiming in saying it wasn’t that bad and the news was overblowing things.
Up to that point, I had no idea how far gone down the conservative hole he had gone.
I guess that lesson didn’t sink in.”
u/horseloverfat42
8.
“My daughter hasnt spoken to me much in the last two years.
I wish I could say I dont know why.
Her mom said she feels I put our daughter second after her mother and I divorced.
I keep trying to rebuild that bridge.
Hopefully in time.”
“The takeaway is this.
It doesnt matter how you perceive things, its how your child does.
Dont ever let them doubt how you feel about them.”
u/G1optimusprime
9.
“It’s 100% my fault, or maybe 95%.
My high school girlfriend got pregnant while we were in the process of breaking up.
There was a real question as to whether or not the baby was mine.
“I moved back to my podunk hometown and tried to be a good father.
My ex-girlfriend was looking for a boyfriend/husband, I was not willing to do this.
She got pregnant two more times.
I tried to be a father to my daughter, but I felt constantly shut out.
So I left and did not do nearly enough to keep in contact with my daughter.
But again, I chose to leave.
I was an adult and she was a child.
I was immature and did not see any way out.
I email my daughter every month or two and she emails me back every year or so.
This failure is the great regret of my life.”
u/Notfromiowa45
10.
“My ex-husband and I were going through a pretty ugly divorce.
At the time, our daughter was in her freshman year of high school.
She was treated unfairly by both parents.
It was an incredibly stressful time for her and I was an emotional disaster.
It took me five years of weekly counselling to dig myself out of the emotional hole I was in.
Sometimes I hear from her, but most of the time it is silence.
She is an adult and has her own beliefs, which I respect.
She is going into her senior year in college and I could not be prouder of her.
She will always be my everything.
I miss her dearly, but it has been seven years now.
I have moved on with my life.
u/School_House_Rock
11. u/TX-PineyWoods
12.
“My mother did her best to provide for our needs but she was cold and distant.
I hated the way she acted and vowed I would do things differently when/if I had children.
Well, I had children.
“Essentially, I ran our home as a military installation.
My girls were quickly and harshly disciplined for even the most minor of offences.
The discipline evolved into very binary rules.
You didn’t make that grade, you were not going.
Basically, they couldn’t win.
I believed at the time that I was building strong girls into strong women.
It feels as though I’ve done the exact opposite.
It’s deserved but that doesn’t lessen the sting.”
u/BearSef
13.
I didnt realise love and nurturing were essential ingredients.
Now my daughter is 28 and struggling in some areas.
I am remorseful and regret all my actions but unfortunately cannot undo the damage they caused.”
u/crankyolelady_1967
14.
It makes me sad in a way that I can’t even express.
I can’t change the past.
I was trying so hard to change the present.
u/djinnisequoia
15.
“I am/was a terrible parent.
I rarely spent any time with my children.
I deserve my children going no contact with me.”
u/CorenCorias
16.
I had untreated and misdiagnosed mental illnesses.
I was a shit parent.
Their childhood was full of trauma and I was at the helm.
I thought I was doing pretty well given the circumstances of our lives but I wasnt at all.
I was a baby with a sick brain and no support system trying to raise babies.”
“I believe I did my best but unfortunately sometimes our best simply isnt good enough.
I just love them from far away now.
Im so proud of all of them.”
u/Wrong-Half
H/T tor/AskRedditandu/youngGod928for having this discussion.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
