What does being passive-aggressive mean, exactly?

He offered an example: Say you were frustrated with a loved one.

But here, well focus on the verbal manifestations.

Man with backpack holding phone, looking at airport departure board

We asked relationship experts to identify some of the most common passive-aggressive phrases.

Heres what to watch out for and what to say instead.

Like: We both worked hard on the same projects, but you got the raise.

Woman sitting in a deck chair on a beach, wrapped in a sweater, resting her chin on her arms

Can you help me strategize ways to get there?

Im sorry you feel that way.

This may initially sound like a genuine apology because the words Im sorry are being used.

Person looking stressed with hand on head, another comforts by placing hand on their shoulder. No identifiable individuals

Instead, take accountability for the words you spoke.

While intention may not have been to cause any harm, the impact of those words did cause harm.

You might say, Im sorry I hurt you.

Two people standing in an airport terminal, looking at phone and tickets, with flight information board in the background

Or, I apologize that what I said caused you pain.

Another common passive-aggressive move: Claiming everythings fine when youre actually upset about something.

You may be testing them to see if theyll follow through.

A person looking at a smartphone with a concerned expression, holding their forehead, indoors

You may be trying to shut down the conversation.

The more effective way of expressing yourself is to surprise, surprise tell the other person how youreactuallyfeeling.

How are they to know how you feel if you refuse to acknowledge or share your own feelings?

Two people looking at a smartphone together with engaged expressions

The solution: Say what you mean.

Then you resign yourself to not being understood and say whatever.

Whatever, he said.

Two women sitting by the water, wearing casual plaid shirts and jeans

Whatever is throwing in the towel too soon, and then resenting the other person for it.

If you say so.

Instead, be open minded and consider that other opinions and thoughts are just as valuable as yours.

Try, Thank you for sharing your perspective with me.

I understand why you would say that.

Would you be open to my sharing my perspective as well?

Or: Im not sure I understand what youre saying, could you just clarify what you mean?

Youre just too sensitive.

Something like: I can see that I hurt you, and Im very sorry for that.

Id like to understand how I hurt you so I dont do that again.

Can you tell me what upset you?

Being straightforward can be scary, she said.

But its more likely to lead to meaningful, if uncomfortable, conversations.

It can be hard to approach situations head-on, especially when thats not how youre used to conducting yourself.

This article originally appeared onHuffPost.