“They don’t change after you get married.
Most ‘red flags’ have gotten worse.
Here are the eye-opening results:
1.
“Ive been married almost 50 years.
The most common misconception about long-time married couples is that it stops being ‘work.’
Never, ever take your partner for granted.”
fluffyjester63
2.
“That having sex with the same person for the rest of your life will become ‘boring.’
messyjaguar21
3.
“That love conquers all.
Also, you dont ‘just know’ when you meet the right person.”
40, Canada
4.
“Been married for 33 years, together for 35.
The most common misconception about marriage, I believe, is that marriage should be 50/50.
There are times that I carry his weight and there are times he carries mine.
“He dislikes cleaning the bathrooms, so I do that.
He cooks, and I do dishes.Find your strengths in your relationship.”
awkwardcake76
5.
I still love that SOB as much as that lost 17-year-old girl did.
This life has been about cultivating a friendship between lovers who actually like each other.
Nothing can come between best friends who have sex regularly.
I would not go back and do anything different.”
“The journey through hell and back has been half the fun.
You have to understand that the good times would not be possible without the bad times.
Bad times don’t include serial cheaters, abusers, or habitual deceivers.
c’mon get out of these situations as fast as it’s possible for you to.
You deserve more.”
41, Louisiana
6.
“That marriage changes your relationship.
Your relationship is your relationship, whether you put a ring on it or not.
Signing a paper doesn’t change who you are.”
norobotsmag
7.
“Maybe not in all cases… but the idea that opposites attract.
Spending all that fun time apart?
That doesnt make for a very happy marriage!”
ellave
8.
“I had a cousin ask me once about marriage when she got engaged.
Communicate, understand, be willing to not always be the one who ‘wins.'”
robert_dunder
“Marriage isn’t hard if you’re not an a-hole.
Step one: Listen to your partner.
Step two: Let your ego go.
Step three: Talk.”
mdunston0822
9.
“Go to bed mad sometimes.
So much of the time, youre fighting at least partially because youre both exhausted.”
“Everything is easier to resolve after a good nights sleep.”
melc40e454224
“‘Never go to bed angry.’
Sometimes that means taking space and resuming a chat when cooler heads can prevail.
38, Maryland
10.
“The level of passion is not a good indicator of a successful marriage.
I married for passion the first time, and it was awful.
I married someone I liked and respected the second time and who returned those feelings.
Weve lasted 25 years so far, and our love has only grown deeper.
I still like and respect him!”
57, Oregon
11.
“People say, ‘Youre not the person I married!
like its a bad thing or they didnt expect that to happen.
The truth is, we all change throughout our lives.
Life happens, and people evolve.
To expect your spouse to never change is unrealistic.
Before you get married, just know that you will both change several times over the years.”
42, Kentucky
12.
After three months, I went home crying to my mom saying, ‘Hes so mean.
You guys never fought.’
She said, ‘We fought; we just did so in private.’
67, California
13.
“I have been married for 20 years.
Those who say there is no need for premarital counseling are wrong.
My husband and I discussed issues I never imagined would matter that did.
We also learned techniques to communicate better as we have very different styles.”
“To this day we quote, ‘Dr.
Bill said so,’ when we are having an argument.
45, Virginia
14.
“That the point of marriage was to make me happy.
The truth is that those things do actually make me happy just not in the way I thought.
Then, we approach the other person.
There are always two sides.”
47, New Hampshire
15.
“That there is a honeymoon period that inevitably ends.
I cant wait to come home to her and hang out with her.
We have kids who have added to our lives.
35, California
16.
She revealed that her love for me was not just a feeling but a choice she made daily.
This daily choice has become the bedrock upon which weve built a lasting, loving partnership.”
43, California
17.
“Kids do not equate to a happy marriage on their own.
In fact they can be quite the opposite.
Some can’t get past that, and it almost hurt our marriage.
39, Arizona
18.
Sometimes, I visit family without him and that works, too.
48 Minnesota
19.
“That he would change after you get married.
Actually, most ‘red flags’ have gotten worse.
“Another piece of advice:verify you understand their family dynamic.
(The dysfunction carried into our marriage, and he believed there was nothing wrong with his behavior).
Even after counseling, he is reluctant to change.”
58, Iowa
20.
“My wife and I have been married for 32 years.
Healthy marriages are conflict-free.
Healthy marriages have open discussions about what things you are doing to annoy your spouse.
Children insure [sic] a happy marriage.
Children are the number one thing spouses argue about.
Work together to handle the issues with your children.
I love them dearly, but they are sometimes a pain in the butt.
My advice and secret to a happy and long marriage is to have something in common with your spouse.
“We love breweries, sports, puzzles, bourbon, and excellent restaurants (no chains!).
Spend time away from your spouse occasionally.
Take that weekend trip with friends to go golfing, or that weekend trip with friends to a vineyard.
It’s OK to not be with your spouse 24/7.
Don’t sweat the small things.
Does he leave his socks by the bed?
Does she clog the tub drain with her hair?These are small things and nothing to argue about.
Don’t get upset about it.
Final thoughts.Love each other as friends, lovers, and partners.”
53, Pennsylvania
And finally…
21.
“You have no idea what its going to be like.
You have no idea if one of you will get seriously ill and almost die or actually die.
You have no idea if working at your relationship will work or not.
I dont say this to scare anyone off, but to warn the confident and reassure the scared.”
katetapley
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
