People come out as LGBTQ+ at many different stages in their lives.
Recently, I stumbled upon an over-decade-oldReddit threadabout people who came out during their marriage.
Are you still together?
Did you come out?
Spouses, did you know?"
1.“Well.
I was in deep denial and got married and had a kid.
However, she was supportive of me in her own way.
Coming out to my parents was actually more difficult.
Honesty and loyalty do have merits!
Our kid is doing well, too.
So, it all turned out well, even though there was a lot of difficulty to go through.
I am really very lucky.”
Stilleclectic
2.
“It was rough.
I married my high school girlfriend, who was also mybest friend.
I knew I was gay, but also had a very religious upbringing.
I was committed to my faith but was never comfortable lying about who I was.
So I ‘came out’ before I was married in my late teens.
One of the final ‘steps’ of the ‘therapy’ was to step out on faith and get married.
I was told the holiness of the vows I said would purify me, and I would be straight.
Long story short…disillusionment.”
“After a year of marriage, the world and reality came into focus.
I got divorced and ruined my best friendship (and all my friendships, really).
My journey made me who I am and I feel wiser for it.
[deleted]
3.
“And I’ve discovered that there is a lot more to love than attraction.
:)”
lizzyhuerta
4.
She was his third wife and they had been married for 22 years.
My father eventually found someone and had a few good years before he passed away five years ago.
He was a different man after he came out.
I sometimes wonder how different things would have been had he come out earlier.”
Comicshop_girl
5.
“My mom was married to my father, however my mom came out as a lesbian.
Boner4Stoners
6.
“I am gay, and I married someone when I knew who I was.
There was a lot of pressure.
I couldn’t come out, didn’t have the strength.
I was young, and I’d get killed in that little town.
I didn’t know anyone who was gay and I felt trapped.
So, I dated this girl and we were quite the couple.
Well, at least I knew how to play the part.”
She was pretty, smart, and loving.
I also thought this would be a short relationship, but it lasted longer than I thought.
I had no plan and no idea what to do to get out of it.
Feeling the pressure from my parents and hers, I eventually asked her to marry.
I didn’t know what else to do.
I couldn’t see my future past the current day.
It started weighing heavily on her, but she never became suspicious.
She assumed something was wrong with her and it really started to affect her.
I felt like an asshole.
She had cried before, but this time, she couldn’t stop.
Thinking she was the problem.
God, it was terrible.
I couldn’t take it anymore and at 4 in the morning that night I came out to her.
It was the best night and worst night of my life.
I came out, but I was going to lose my best friend.
We separated and eventually got a divorce.
I felt like I owed her a lot.
Fast forward 10 years later, and she and I are good friends.
We can talk about the days past, and she holds no grudge.
She remarried, had some kids, and is really enjoying life.
I, too, found a partner and am very happy and feel liberated.
Looking back, had I been strong enough to come out, none of that would have happened.
But things happen for a reason, I believe.
But I did gain a friend in the whole process and wouldn’t change that for the world.”
Trey73
7.
“My parents divorced when I was 5.
My parents hadn’t talked in 20 years when she passed away.”
bikeknife
8.
“My ex-husband is gay, and yes, I knew.
He kept saying that he wasbisexual, but his gay porn collection grew, and our sex life died.
We were together for 10 years.
His parents are really uncomfortable with his orientation, but his partner’s parents have been extremely welcoming.
We are stillgoodfriends and talk often.
urbanexotic
9.
“My dad is gay.
He and my mom got divorced about 16 years ago.
My mom got remarried about 10 years ago and my dad has been with his partner for about 13. heyalyson
10.
“Got married (had two beautiful daughters) and divorced 15 years later.
The ex-wife originally wanted to part amicably, but decided later that I had lied to her.”
“No, it did not end well for me.
My daughters are okay.
It’s an uphill climb.”
rangard
11. klodhopper
12.
“I was married to a guy for eight years, but things just didn’t work out.
But apparently, sexual attraction is actually important, whodathunkit?
Then we had couples therapy, and when that didn’t work, we split.
It was all one-sided, which made me feel incredibly guilty.
Anyway, I met a woman.
We’ve been together for eight years and married for four.
It’s awesome, I’m all, “Sothisis what marriage is supposed to be like!”
starlinguk
13.
My twin sister and I took it well as we are also both gay.
My mom struggled for a little while but is now happily re-married, and they still talk regularly.
Austinxr
14.
“My uncles married in D.C. about a year ago, after being together for something around 10 years.
They were both married to women in their early 20s out of religious pressure despite knowing they were gay.
They both have children with their wives and eventually divorced.
One is still on close terms with his previous wife, and the other not so much.
They have since both found partners and get along great!
We even had Thanksgiving there this year.”
it’s possible for you to read the original thread onReddit.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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