We recentlyaskedtheBuzzFeed Communityto share what they learned about their parents' marriage once they divorced.
Here are some of their responses:
Warning: This story mentions abuse and suicide.
“My father still loved my mother even though they couldn’t live together.
My mother died 13 years after they divorced.
I was 17 and naive.
We had you and a life together, however brief it was.'
They were married three years and I had no memory of them ever being married.”
“All the qualities my mom thought my dad had she misinterpreted.
His ‘quietness’ was him stewing over things he didn’t like, but wouldn’t talk about.
They were married for almost 23 years but didn’t know each other.
There wasn’t much communication.”
awfulgazelle20
3.
“My father cheated.
My dad continued to be unfaithful and eventually said my mom deserved better and filed for divorce.
“I didn’t know my parents were divorced until one of my cousins told me.
They still lived together and didn’t act any different.
They never sat us four kids down and told us what was happening.”
A, Kentucky
5.
“My parents didn’t share core values and their marriage revolved around having fun with their friends.
After they divorced, their friends chose sides or ended it due to social stigma.
The ‘ideal’ co-parenting relationship pushed online is that you’re parenting with your ex like nothing ever happened.
You and the new stepmom are BFFs, but that’s not realistic.
They divorced when I was quite small mostly because they were basically ‘parallel parenting.'”
The exchange was always done through a third party.
Phone calls, too.
They both married after and never met each other’s new spouses.
It was unorthodox but it worked.”
lobster_lemon_lime
7.
“It was pretty much a sham.
Dad was sleeping around with other men who were his students.
“When my parents got divorced I was 17.
My dad was cheating and becoming extremely aggressive towards my mom.
She finally asked for the divorce I had been insisting on since I was 13.
He’s been unstable for his entire life, but never physically abusive.
I think he went crazy because this time she was going through with the divorce.”
“She took my four brothers and moved to my grandma’s.
I was scared he was going to kill himself, to be honest.
My mom used me as a therapist to vent.
I wish I didn’t.
It f–ked with my head.
I’m 26 and can’t stand men crying.”
chillduck61
9.
“My parents divorced when I was 15 and a freshman in high school.
At first, it was tough and I rebelled.
But as time went on I saw how happy they each were.
My mom cried a lot less and my dad told jokes again.
It was as if they found themselves after years of being lost.”
“Everything I had believed about our family at the time was false.
Since that day, I’ve learned that my dad has never been faithful to my mom.
My parents both went through years of therapy, came a long way, and are friends today.
In hindsight, I wish they had made me do the same.”
She was our main caregiver.
She never spoke badly about our father as we grew up or kept us from seeing him.
It’s amazing knowing what I know now how hard that must have been!”
Anonymous, Minnesota
11.
They divorced shortly after my mom was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer.
She died about six months after the divorce was finalized.
The divorce and her death broke my dad’s heart into millions of pieces.
She only married him because she didn’t want to hurt him or get judged by her family.
So, she got married and kept quiet about her feelings for almost two decades."
“My dad is a completely changed man without my mother’s manipulation.
donotgogentleintothatgoodnight
13.
“My dad cheated on my mom multiple times.
This one time was purely physical but the other one was love.
My dad has no problem talking about it.
He’s even kind of happy about what he’s done.
Five years later, he’s still obsessed with the second woman.
My mom has no idea.
I’ve been keeping this to myself for years.
She also knows the woman well.”
“My mom explained it as they ‘drank at each other.’
In other words, they were always drunk to be around each other.
But even then, they never spent time with each other.
I don’t remember a time in my teen years when they were in the same room.
It explains why my mom was always involved in our sports and activities, and my dad never was.
My dad still blames my mom for the divorce.”
“I might believe it, if those behaviors weren’t rolling onto me and my family now.
ashleenooo
15.
“I learned how important it is to be present and invest time in your family.
When they divorced I spent every other weekend with him.
Never make your child feel like they’re not good enough for you.”
“Not my parents but my aunt.
I learned never to expect your partner to change their mind.
They couldn’t afford adoption or IVF.
They didn’t make it to 10 years.”
pengoguino
17.
“After my parents divorced, my father took my brother and me out.
“He’s an alcoholic.
He had punched it and left a mark when he was belligerent.
tess-s-12
19.And finally, “I honestly don’t remember them together.
I was less than six months old when my mother left us.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
