“That’s poor for four isn’t it?”
u/Houdini23
2.
“A father is washing the car with his son.”
“His son says, ‘Dad, why cant you use a sponge?'”
u/Skeleton200000
3.
“Just got a pirate copy of thatBohemian Rhapsodyfilm.”
u/satans-dick-giggle
4.
“What’s the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?”
“One’s a large Australian animal the other’s a Geordie stuck in a lift.”
u/ChipCob1
5.
“Whats blue and not very heavy?”
“Light blue.”
u/throwaway2736636a
6.
“Where do bad rainbows go?”
“Prism, it’s a light sentence.”
u/-Ephyx-
7.
“What did the drummer call his twin daughters?”
“Anna 1, Anna 2.”
u/Winklemans_Fringe
8.
“What birds stick together?”
u/Greglebowski74
9.
“What cheese do you use to hide a horse?”
u/Wormella
10.
“Do you want to join me at the picnic for llamas?”
“Alpaca lunch.”
u/CuthbertDibbleNGrub
11.
“Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat?”
“Because if they fell forwards theyd land in the boat.”
u/joefraserhellraiser
12.
“How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?”
“Ten tickles.”
u/xSlothicus
13.
“Hes only got little legs.”
u/MonkeyHamlet
14.
“It’s my thirty second birthday.”
u/ChiefBast
15.
“So, my mum had a pet bird and one day she found it wasnt moving.
“‘How can you say that?!
You havent even tested anything!’
The vet sighed and brought out a cat.
He placed it near the bird and it started yowling loudly.
He says again, ‘Im sorry, but your bird is dead.’
My mother, outraged and in tears says, ‘what was that?!
A cat cant tell if its dead or not, do a proper test!’
The vet took the cat away, went into a back room and brought out a black Labrador.
As soon as it saw the bird, it sniffed at it, then lay down and started whimpering.
The receptionist says, ‘Im sorry for your loss, but todays bill will be 1,500.’
What on earth for?!’
u/CeresHelvetion
I have to add my own one too…
16.
“What’s the difference between a joiner and a carpenter?”
“One works with wood, the other paints cars.”
H/T tou/_fiddle-sticks_and r/AskUK for giving us a chuckle!
Note: All submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
