Sometimes people are so inept that it actually becomes funny.
For the sake of the story, u/NoahtheRed named that person Kevin.
I’m like what?
That’s a pretty simple thing.
It’s almost three times the length of the tp holder.
‘Kevin,’ I say, ‘that is paper towel.’
‘No it’s not.’
‘Yes,it is!Have you ever seen toilet paper that big in your life?’
‘Uh…no.’
‘Yeah, I thought that was odd.’
I leave him to it as I assume he’s doing fine.
That’s not possible.
Sure enough, all the packs are torn open and empty except for the rolls on the holders.
‘WTF IS WITH THIS GUY AND TOILET PAPER?
‘Yes, I used it to wipe down the benches in the kitchen.’
‘You used EIGHT rolls of TP to wipe down the benches in the kitchen?!
WHY are you using toilet paper to wipe down benches?’
‘I don’t like using the dish cloth.’
‘WHO taught you to wipe down benches with toilet paper?
Have you ever seenanyonewipe down benches with toilet paper?’
‘The cloth was dirty, and I didn’t want to clean it out.’
Kevin strikes again, and this time, it’s beyond moronic.
Well, one of the customers orders three scones with jam and cream.
About a minute later, the customer brings the scones back up to the counter.
Of course I’m puzzled.
Now there’s something about the way he says this that makes my alarm bells ring.
‘I didn’t think it would be a big deal.’
I grab the plate of mostly uneaten glass-infused scones.
‘How is anyone supposed to eat this?’
When he finishes eating them, he says:
‘Do you think I should go to the hospital?’
‘You’re fired.'"
He was confused and asked her to clarify; she said that she didnt think he should go there.
u/Sad_Noot
3.The story of the Kevin who brought her dog to the groomer:
“True story.
A client just called for the price of a bath and nails.
I ask what kind of dog.
I was dumbfounded, literally.
Swear to God, the lady brings ‘Red’ in, and he is a POMERANIAN.
I’m going home to drink wine.”
Sister MG told him men have one less rib than women.
It has to be that way because God took Adam’s rib to make Eve.
You know how South America and Africa look like they would fit together like puzzle pieces?
Sister told him that was just a coincidence.
When you burn a candle, only the wick burns.
The wax just runs down the side of the candle holder.
He had no explanation as to what happens to the wax in a jar candle.
Meat is not the muscle tissue of animals, but something else called the flesh.
He did not explain where the muscles go if meat is this mysterious ‘flesh.’
Meat also only comes from mammals.
Beef is meat and pork is meat, but chicken and turkey are not meat.
Cows just spontaneously start giving milk when they reach adulthood.
Having a calf every year to start the process has nothing to do with it.
On the other hand, hens must have sex with roosters before they can lay eggs.
The microwave and the toaster oven are basically the same appliance.
He only did this twice, though, since I really yelled at him the second time.
The landline rang, and my mom comes barreling down the stairs at top speed.
The phone stops ringing.
She goes back upstairs.
Turns out she was unknowingly calling the landline from her new cellphone.
We havent been able to figure out why she dialed the landline number in the first place.
She didnt have an answer for that one."
u/deleted
6.The Kevin who thought she was bilingual:
“Austrian here.
My sister used to take in couch surfers from all across the world.
Most were lovely fellas with interesting stories to tell.
But one time, we hit the jackpot.
We got a set of four American stereotypes.
Cue Kevina’s return marching into the living room with the carefree attitude of the ignorant dumbass.
Kevina’s friend: ‘Uhmm… Kevina… we heard you.
All of us.’
Kevina: ‘Sooo whaaat?
I was talking Americaaaaan.’
I’m fairly sure he’s a Kevin.
I knew this wouldn’t end well.
Kevin went in the freezer for some ice cream, or maybe he was just being nosy.
Anyhow, he saw some unlabeled tablets in a blister pack and decided they were drugs.
Who knows what goes on in the mind of a Kevin?
Hubby and I aren’t the types to have anything stronger than Advil in the house.
Regardless, he popped a couple.
After an hour or so of nothing happening, he decided to take four more.
The ones in our freezer?
That’s cheese curdling enzymes called rennet.
I’d been going through a phase of learning to make my own cheese.
Rennet is a necessary ingredient that comes in that form and is best stored in the freezer.
It absolutely will not make you high.
In that quantity, it will cause severe gastric distress best not observed in nature.
I will never forget the sounds that came from the bathroom all Saturday.
Don’t take mystery pills from the freezer, Kevin.
They’re not all gonna be drugs.”
Kevin had different ideas.
Hopefully, the dry cleaners can fix it, or our band is down a $1,000 uniform."
On one of our first dates, we decided to watch a movie and have dinner at my place.
We decided to watchAmerican History X.
She thought WWII was just a movie she watched in the eighth grade."
Kevin said he hated his walk home because it took him almost an hour.
I can picture all 64 300+ lbs of him doing Nair angels in our bathroom.
He gets in the shower, rinses it off, and then goes about his day.
Our son asked him why he had a bald spot on the back of his head.
After a few more days, more hair fell out, and it was a perfect 8."
Kevina asked who would be there.
Me: ‘Hes 2.
You have never met him.’
Her: ‘Yes, I did at your wedding, he was the ring bearer.’
Me: ‘My wedding was five years ago, hes 2.’
Her: ‘He was your ring bearer.’
Me: ‘That was my cousin.’
Her: ‘No, it was your nephew.’
Me: ‘I only have one nephew, and he wasnt born when I got married.
The ring bearer was my cousin.’
Her: ‘Your other nephew then.’
Me: ‘I only have one.’
I bust out a pic of my cousin.
‘This boy is my cousin.’
Her: ‘No, thats your nephew, the ring bearer.’
I dont remember what finally convinced her, but this went on for another five minutes."
One of the jocks was an absolute Kevin.
So, the Home Ec class is learning how to use sewing machines.
Not surprisingly, he runs his thumb through the feed dogs and punctures it several times.
He calls out to the teacher for help.
She comes over and asks him, ‘What did you do?’
We grew up as friends, and I have many stories; this one is my favorite.
Kevin got a job at a gas station/fast food place.
During his first week there, they were training him on the sandwich line.
He said everything was going well, and he had the manager there with him to help him out.
He finally gets his first customer.
The guy orders a steak and cheese.
The manager and the customer are now just both staring at Kevin in complete disbelief.
That was not how he was shown.
So the manager and customer at this point start to laugh about it.
The manager explains that in no way, shape, or form were you trained that way.
He tells Kevin he can keep that sub for himself and to make the customer another one.
All we know is that he laid that second sub down on its side and cut it long-ways again.
Kevin emphatically said with a look of disgust on his face: ‘F*** no!
I wouldn’t take that sandwich.’
He didn’t understand our hysterical laughter."
She was actually a pretty mediocre kid, mostly, for the first few years.
Let’s call him Sensible Sam (SS).
SS and Kevin set up a date at a nice place just off campus.
Kevin got understandably nervous before the date.
Kevin’s panic response was to drink an entire large milkshake immediately prior to meeting SS.
Kevin is lactose intolerant.
For some godforsaken reason, SS kept dating her.
Got horribly lost and could find neither the restaurant nor the way back to campus.
Has lived in this town for years.
Accidentally claimed to be single just after her and SS’s one-year anniversary.
Asked SS how to spell his last name.
His last name is four letters.
They had been dating for months at this point.
Found a way onto the roof of the art building.
Was not immune to getting in trouble after putting pictures on her Snapchat story instead of a group chat.
Forgot her shoes on the ‘walk of shame.’
Tried to take SS to meet her parents.
Somehow drove to the wrong state.
Signed up for a class.
Forgot about it for the entire semester.
Failed because she never showed up.
SS proposed a week ago.
Still don’t know why he deals with my dumb ass.
I got lucky, y’all."
