“I love my son.
He is the best thing that has ever happened to me in many ways.
“I love my son.
He is the best thing that has ever happened to me in many ways.
He’s made me a more patient, responsible person.
I don’t believe in heaven, but I would think he was an angel if I did.
His smiles and giggles light up my soul.
But I have never felt so hopeless, exhausted, and worn down.
“Choosing not to have kids has been the single best decision of my life.
To be fair, it wasn’t a ‘choice.’
I’ve never wanted kids.
Instead, I have focused my time and energy on educating myself and building my own business.
I spend my money on animal welfare charities and Planned Parenthood.
Sharon W.
3.
“I never wanted kids.
My husband, on the other hand, wanted four kids.
Somehow, I ended up pregnant.
I traveled a lot, dated a lot, worked hard, and was in love with life.
I’ve never wanted them.
I’m in my mid-40s.
Most of my friends have kids, anywhere from 2 to 18 years old.
Many of them are incredibly stressed and emotionally overwhelmed.
While, of course, they love their kids, many would re-think becoming parents.”
I’ve never wanted to have kids and never understood the allure of having kids.
I would never be happy to devote all of my time, energy, and finances to raising children.
Dating in my early and mid-30s was a challenge.
They also seemed to be seeking Suzy Homemaker, a corporate Vice President of a Fortune 500.
With my target demographic identified, I found my husband.
I travel wherever I want and use my free time however I want.
I’ve never had to go to Disneyland.
I also love holding babies (oh my god, they are so lovely and wonderful!
Why do they smell so good?!)
and engaging with kids occasionally.
However, I’m definitely to be a mother.
Don’t let anyone talk you into it, or out of it.”
Elsa M.
6.
“My husband never wanted children.
So, I accepted that we’d be a childless couple.
In my thirties, I asked my mum if I’d made the right decision not to have kids.
Through therapy, I finally came to understand where the feeling that I’d never have kids came from.
It always amazes me, and I’m glad I recognized that even as a kid.
I still would answer no because I would never be willing to take the chance of something happening.
They still say, ‘You should have been a dad.’
I think about how much I missed being revered as Dad.
Someone is looking up to me and positively influences someone’s life.
My wife and I have a friend who just turned 50.
He had a big party, and his parents were there.
And that’s something I’ll never have.”
Rodney T.
8.
“I do have regrets sometimes.
I was married when I was 26.
My now ex had a career where he was gone a lot.
Usually, I left on Thursday and returned on Sunday night.
I need peace, quiet, and alone time for the sake of my mental health.
When I was just 11 years old, I acquired three younger stepsiblings.
Since both parents worked, I was expected to supervise them after school and during the summer.
When he remarried, my stepmother was not very nice to me.
Of course, there is a downside to being child-free.
Despite all the hassles, I have missed an experience many women say was worth it.
“I was OK with having kids, but my wife didn’t want to.
She had raised her siblings and didn’t particularly want a repeat performance.
She knew what she was getting into and wanted none of it.
The psychological consequences have been mostly positive.
“At forty-four, I honestly regret not having any children.
Now that forty-four is my new reality, I’ve realized I’ve missed the boat on motherhood.
And, yes, this deeply saddens me.
Being an aunt and a teacher is not the same as having had my children in this life.
The moment has passed me by, and I have remorsefully found myself in utter regret.
I do not wish it upon anyone else who may be coming to terms with the same reality.”
AT S.
13.
At one time, I felt like it would have been nice to have kids.
I dreamt of attending their concerts, games, and other kid activities.
That was a dream…”
“…My siblings' children are not doing especially well.
One is addicted, another is dishonest, and two have severe illnesses that will eventually kill them.
A third has already died.
The others, however, are smart, successful, kind people who get along well with their relatives.
So, the odds seem to be about one in two in my family.
The child of my dreams doesn’t exist, and the real children can be difficult.
You don’t know what you’re getting when you reproduce.
You just have to love the kid you get, which can be hard.
I know that my spouse and I are not ideal.
We have flaws that we would certainly pass on to our offspring.
Teresa G.
14.
“I come from a different angle.
I have three grown children, and I lost a son at birth.
Having my children was the best decision for me.
That being said, parenthood is not for everybody.
The reasons were numerous.
Shortly after we got married, I underwent a vasectomy.
We are neither embittered nor lonely.
And no, our lives are not empty.
Children are an enormous responsibility.
Having them changes your life utterly.
Nicholas C.
16.
“People will call me a monster.
I don’t care.
Few people in the world will choose to tell the truth about themselves when it isn’t pretty.
I got pregnant during my first semester of college.
To make a long story short, I went a little crazy once I turned 18.
Naturally, this led to pregnancy…”
“…
I remember staring at the stick when I got the result.
I didn’t cry.
I just thought, “Welp…
I guess I’m having a baby.”
Despite my neutral reaction, I was unhappy about the whole thing.
I instantly left her father; he wasn’t father material.
I told myself I’d rather struggle alone than bring up a child around someone with so many problems.
Despite my concern for my unborn child’s mental health, I was not entirely without my selfishness.
I’d announce it to people on a need-to-know basis.
They’d congratulate me and smile brightly, excited for me.
I knew I was putting myself and my child at a major disadvantage for having her at my age.
I was a very religious girl back then (irony much?!
I didn’t want a child.
I knew I wasn’t ready.
But I also knew I was a good person, and I didn’t want to forget the responsibility.
I had been stupid, I knew, but I was also totally ready to pay the price.
Mostly, admittedly, because I didn’t know what the price was.
So, for eight months, I prayed for a miscarriage.
All of a sudden, I was TERRIFIED of losing my baby.
Fast forward to today: my daughter is eight.
I never resented her for coming along when I didn’t plan it.
She has been a difficult child (delayed in speech and, therefore, behaviorally delayed as well).
As cliche as it sounds, she is the best thing that ever happened to me.
I won’t say I can’t imagine my life without her.
Surely, I can.
So, thank you to my little Aubrey-bear for being the most amazing catalyst of my life.
And also for giving me the blessing of true love.
They say you owe your life to your mother, but I owe MY life to my daughter.”
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
