Thinking about an ex isnt usually problematic, its human.
Youre dating someone new whos great, by the way but thoughts of your ex keep popping up.
Its also very normal for our present experiences to trigger memories of the past.
Plus, an ex is a person who was, or is, important to you.
So its understandable that theyd still be on your mind.
And caring doesnt necessarily end when a relationship ends, evolves or shifts to a new format.
This distortion can negatively affect your experience of the present and skew expectations for the future, OReilly said.
You may even find that these memories become more positive over time.
And, of course, it may also leave you pining for an idealized version of your ex.
But in reality, things often arent so cut and dry.
Not every relationship ending is tidy and resolved.
We often start something new while working out some leftover stuff, he told HuffPost.
But reflect on what, in particular, youre missing, Olmedo advised.
Are you missing that part of the relationship or getting that from the ex?
For some people, exes are a big part of our lives even after a breakup.
That said, there are some signs that might indicate your thoughts have veered into potentially problematic territory.
Take note of how frequent and intense the urge to reach out to your ex is, he added.
And if you two set a boundary about staying in contact post-breakup, have you been respecting that?
Constantly checking their social media to see what theyre up to is another sign something might be amiss.
But getting over a breakup isnt a perfectly linear process, she said.
There is no universal test to determine if youre still hung up on them.
In fact, the more you attempt to banish a thought, the more likely it is to reoccur.
Allow yourself time and space to grieve the loss of the relationship if you oughta.
Its OK to feel a range of fluctuating emotions, OReilly said.
You dont have to analyze, explain, or understand every feeling.
Why did you break up?
What didnt work out?
You dont need to dwell on the negative, but simply reframe idealizations into more realistic thoughts.
It may also be helpful to reassess your social media habits as they relate to this person.
And remember: Thinking about an ex isnt usually problematic, its human.
Go easy on yourself, OReilly said.
They will cross your mind.
This article originally appeared onHuffPost.
