Most importantly, resist the urge to get defensive.
Being in a committed relationship often involves wading through difficult emotions like jealousy, grief and fear.
But one of the most insidious feelings is resentment.
But left unaddressed, these underlying negative thoughts can spiral into destructive territory.
HuffPost asked relationship experts to share their advice.
Dont ignore bad feelings.
Ignoring a problem just allows it to fester and become more entrenched and thus more difficult to resolve.
If resentment is rearing its head, dont ignore it.
If its brief and short-lived, thats one thing.
Hold regular check-ins.
Use I statements.
Express your feelings and concerns openly and honestly, Hoffman said.
Use I statements to avoid sounding accusatory, and make a run at leave questions as open-ended as possible.
Are you feeling this too?
or I feel like you have seemed angry with me lately.
Have I done something to upset you?
Then venture to drill down to specifics.
Resist the urge to keep score.
Resolve conflicts fully, and aim to forgive once its worked through.
But this kind of score-keeping isnt healthy.
Resentment tends to build when you dont feel that your partner hears … or empathizes with you.
This will help them be more receptive, soften, and ideally provide some empathy and accountability back.
Validate your partners emotions.
Establish reasonable and realistic expectations for your relationship and show openness to what your partner is expressing.
Dont tell your partner why they shouldnt be feeling the way they do, Ross said.
Take it in even if its a little painful or brings up feelings of shame.
It is very powerful to take in another persons experience, to really listen and validate.
Listen more, talk less.
attempt to internalize what they are saying.
Lead with curiosity and compassion.
Be curious, not accusatory and defensive.
Ask questions if you dont understand, but dont interrogate.
Showing vulnerability and openness creates a safe environment for healthy communication.
Communicate in a way that doesnt make your partner feel they have to put up a guard.
Listen, reflect and dont attempt an immediate solution or remedy.
Show appreciation and gratitude.
Express appreciation for each others efforts, Yiu advised.
Dont take each other for granted.
Your regular check-ins can be a good opportunity to show gratitude and appreciation for your partner.
Remember that youre having these check-ins to nurture your relationship because you value it so much.
Think about all of the things that you appreciate, and remember to express these positive feelings frequently.
Reflect on your own feelings and needs.
Moving past resentment is an inside job, Henry said.
We may think its up to our partners to alleviate our resentment.
However, resentment ends when we choose to go inward.
What have I committed myself to thats not my responsibility?
What emotions am I having a hard time sharing with my partner?
Dig deep to identify the underlying issues in your life and relationship, and what might be exacerbating them.
Or you might have experienced childhood trauma related to feeling unseen and alone.
