Psychologist and sex therapist Shannon Chavez says its more common than not for couples to experience a dry spell.
Many couples fall into periods of sexlessness over the course of a marriage.
And yet sexless marriages are still treated as a taboo subject.
Over time, spouses may startfeeling more like roommatesthan sexual partners.
You cant talk about sex.
In relationships, communication is key, certainly when it comes to the more intimate matters, like sex.
Youre under a lot of stress.
When youre stressed, sex may be the last thing on your mind.
Youre busy worrying about crippling student loan debt or taking care of the kids notgettingbusy.
During these busy or overwhelming times, consider scheduling sex instead of waiting around for the mood to strike.
Sometimes, sex needs to be planned, Kahn said.
Which may require us pushing back on the false narrative that sex needs to be spontaneous.
You have mismatched libidos.
However, if left unaddressed, tensions may arise and give way to periods of sexlessness.
Sometimes [mismatched sex drives] are managed and its working for everyone.
And sometimes its not being managed, Kahn said.
Youre dealing with mental health issues.
These concerns can impact desire and need for connection, Chavez said.
Others include low self-esteem and body image issues.
Youve hit a rough patch in your relationship.
Lingering resentments and unresolved arguments erode an otherwise good sexual connection, she said.
You criticize each other.
Criticism is one of thebiggest predictors of divorce, according to relationship researcherJohn Gottman.
Hurtful remarks can feel like an attack and cause a rift in the bedroom too, sex therapistStephen Snydersaid.
Relationships thrive on acceptance, said Snyder, author of Love Worth Making.
Sexual relationships especially, since your sexual self is relatively immature and easily hurt.
Criticizing your partner, or feeling criticized by them, is kryptonite for your sexual relationship.
Avoid these things at all costs.
You have unrealistic expectations about sex.
Sometimes sex is an awesome,orgasm-filledbodily adventure; sometimes its just kind of meh.
Unrealistic expectations around sex can build pressure and a performance focus on sex, Chavez said.
It becomes less about connection and intimate time together and more about performance goals around sex.
This leads to low desire and sexual avoidance.
You have sex-related performance anxiety.
The misguided thinking is this: If I dont try, then I cant fail.
Silence feeds shame and shame feeds anxiety.
Youre scared of trying (or suggesting) ways to spice things up.
According to Landes, a fear of rocking the boat can sometimes lead to adead bedroom.
But they dont say anything because theyre worried about how their spouse will react.
Fear of taking risks sucks the energy out of a sexual partnership.
Youve grown bored with each other.
Early in the relationship, the sex is new so it feels hot and exciting.
Exploring ways to increase curiosity, excitement,,and playfulness in your sexual lives can modify a rigid repertoire.
Keep checkingback for moreexpert-based articles and personal stories.This post originally appeared onHuffPost.
