Therapists say making these changes will pave the way to a stronger and happier bond.
What they needed from you five, 10 or 20 years ago isnt what they need from you today.
If your bond with your adult child isnt where you want it to be, dont despair.
Heres what we learned.
Stop giving unsolicited advice.
But consider that they may just be looking for a compassionate ear.
said Dallas marriage and family therapistSarah Epstein.
Adult children may not want consistent feedback on their choices, Epstein told HuffPost.
Once theyre adults, we need to be literally and figuratively more hands off.
That doesnt mean you dont play an important role in their life anymore.
It just means your role has transitioned to more of a trusted adviser, Reilly said.
When invited, we can say what were thinking and ask what theyre thinking.
When were not invited, its a good idea not to chime in, said.
Show your child that you believe theyre capable of handing difficult situations.
Perhaps youre a parent who is hell-bent on getting your child to follow your advice.
Allow your child to air out their distress, and keep the conversation focused on them.
Then, help them arrive at their own solutions.
Stop playing the blame game and focus on repair instead.
Your child knows that you did your best, Vadakumchery said.
Them bringing up their issues with you does not mean they think youre a bad parent.
What if theres no one to blame?
Blaming is shaming and accomplishes nothing.
Do a relationship check-in.
You might assume no news is good news as the parent of a grown kid.
If your adult child hasnt raised any issues lately, you figure things must be fine between you.
Or perhaps you sense the relationship isnt on good footing, but youre not sure where things went wrong.
Checking in can include questions like, How does our relationship feel to you?
Do you enjoy our conversations?
What do you enjoy most or least?
Do you feel supported?
Avoid telling your adult child how they should think or feel.
Listen first before responding.
Instead of focusing on the details, focus on theiremotions, she said.
If you dont know what to say, sometimes the best response is to just be there.
You dont necessarily have to say anything.
Just show that youre listening.
Honor and encourage boundaries in the relationship.
Or the boundaries may be physical ones, like kindly call before stopping by the house, Epstein said.
It may help to remember that the intention of boundaries is tohelp people connect in better, healthier ways.
This post originally appeared onHuffPost.
