Mal Wright: I think my stance on ultimatums are still the same.
I don’t like them [laughs].
However, they work.
“There are all these ways that I can exist that are really fluid and free, and I think that’s under the umbrella of queerness."
They’re a very normal part of life.
Being part of a queer-focused dating show was a pretty big deal.
I just spoke at a Human Rights Conference about harnessing joy and joy as a form of resilience.
I couldn’t have planned that, so I’m realizing the impact.
I was in a really wonderful, stable corporate position.
Has this experience altered the way you approach relationships at all?
You owe it to yourself to choose exactly what you want and to go after exactly what you want.
You are your own compass.
Before, I was dating under the guise of my parents, you know?
I thought longevity was a benchmark for me.
And I think it still is, but the reason I want longevity has changed.
I don’t want to be in a long-term relationship just to be in one.
Therefore, I won’t tolerate any jot down of disrespect anymore.
I think that’s the example that I had, so that’s what I’ve tried to practice.
It’s less about the person, right?
People are going to be people.
We might have just been a bad match.
And then getting back to yourself.
It’s even more of a journey.
Do I even make good decisions?
Whoa, who am I?
That is so true!
Something important to me now is privacy.
I don’t leave my relationship up for critique by anybody but myself.
I’d just rather leave that to me.
My relationship is no longer for public consumption, at least not in that punch in of way.
My relationship is a piece of my own healing.
It’s my own peace not for anybody else’s entertainment.
Dating is really, really wonderful now.
We don’t want to be an influencer couple, that’s just not us.
Love those that are out there, but that’s just not our thing.
We’re public facing, meaning if you happen to see us in public, that’s different.
There’s no secrecy…just an element of privacy.
One thing that also caught peoples attention after watching the show was your sense of style.
I think the beauty of queerness is so expansive.
It absolves the binary.
Just because I am she/her does not mean I then have to wear stereotypical she/her clothing.
I think queerness has been freeing in that sense.
I’m still she/her.
That’s where I can have my freedom of expression.
It can change and it can evolve.
It’s just so expansive.
I can do whatever I want within it.
I just go for what I think looks good and what I feel good in.
I’m influenced by both men and women.
If so, has that mentality changed for you?
That felt too rigid for me, at the time.
I love the culture of some of it.
I’ve always been on the quest to find what fits me best.
I think queerness is just more it’s more all encompassing.
Or maybe we like to wear similar clothing.
We shop at the same places.
I just think queerness is just more all encompassing…more inclusive.
Stop expecting us to be one thing.
That message also goes to people in our community as well.
You’re not limited to what people say you’re supposed to be or do.
Right, there’s no right code that’s being broken.
That’s just not what I’m about.
I want everybody to feel welcome.
I want us to have the same ideals about humanity.
As far as how they physically presented themselves to the world, I would sayAaliyah.
I loved her tomboy era loved the boxers hanging out with the open shirt and the crop top.
She ate it up.
Left Eye God bless them both loved her style, too.
They opened my eyes to what could be.When it comes to characters,Queen LatifahinSet It Off.
I was like, “Oh, wait a minute.
“She’s Gotta Have Ithad me in a chokehold.
I would sneak and watch that movie.
I remember we got a late fee, because I rented that movie.
I don’t even know how I found out about it.
I don’t know how it came across my radar, but it did.
My mom was like, “What the hell!
What are you watching?
Why do you like it so much?
“Spike Leewas amazing.
I thought the film was Earth-shattering.
What queer tropes are you tired of seeing on-screen?
And what things would you like to see more of when it comes to queer stories?
It exists, but I don’t need to see any more of it.
If that’s your setup, great.
Love that for you.
I want to see other examples.
I want to see more nonbinary action between people nonbinary on all sides of the gender spectrum.
I want to see relationships.
I would love to see more men courageously just be like, “I find her attractive.
I like her.”
It’s their own business, and they don’t have to explain that to you.
A lot of people are just nosy and entitled.
I think we conflate nuance with normalcy.
Let’s just highlight how they can coexist.
I’d just like to see more diversity in how people live.
The more I thought I knew, the more I realize I don’t know.
I’m deeply committed to being the most true and the best version of myself.
I’m also learning that a lot of people feel this way.
I’m not alone in this feeling.
I’m learning more about my own superpower and what that is.
It is enough to just exist the way that I do and live that very loud.
I seek that knowledge from the people around me or the accurate resources.
I’m okay if that ruffles feathers sometimes.
I think a lot of people think that I’m, like, all-knowing.
I’m still learning, I’m still evolving, and I want to share that with people.
Are there any projects we should keep an eye out for?
I’m on the casting production team forThe Ultimatum: Queer LoveSeason 2.
Or “Here are some questions we need to be asking.”
There are also some speaking engagements that I have coming up.
There will be other things that I will be present on.
It’s really fun and we’re about to go international with that.
It’s not really a club scene, but more of a listening experience.
Although it’s for everybody, just know that we keep queer people safe.
We did our first one in Austin for Afro Tech, and the party sold out.
It was an amazing experience.
It was so, so great.
We’ve just been traveling around.
It’s just a beautiful mashup of people, because we’re all aligned.
We’re actually all friends, so it’s just a really wonderful thing.
That sounds beautiful!
I hope to make it out to one of your parties one day.
Who was your first queer crush?
I think my first queer crush was Nia Long.
Back in the day, Phylicia Rashad.
I had a little thing for Topanga.
What am I feeling for this girl?”
Who was your first Black queer icon?
I would probably say James Baldwin, but also Queen Latifah.
What advice would you give young, Black queer people?
you’ve got the option to be 50,000 different people as much as you want.
They’re not going to hold you to that last person that you said you were.
What has been your proudest moment being Black and queer?
Finally being in a body where my external presentation and my internal presentation align.
They’re just like, “We don’t necessarily get it.
They’re actually fans of my humanhood now.
It wasn’t always like that.
It’s a lifelong battle.
We don’t, but we still love you.
We believe God loves you, too.
You’re our girl.
You’re good with us and your friends are good with us, too.”
That’s a cool feeling.
When did you realize your sexuality wasn’t a phase?
I’ve always had questions about my sexuality since I was, like, 4 or 5.
And I didn’t have a bad experience with men or anything like that.
Since I can remember I’ve always felt different or other.
I’m going to try this boy thing, because you’re supposed to do that.
And boys are cute, right?
We have things in common and we play sports together.
So maybe that’s what you’re supposed to feel: camaraderie, brotherhood.”
But I’ve always felt this way about women.
What does Black history mean to you as someone Black and queer?
I think we are a part of writing history.
I think we’re writing it as we speak.
We’re all actively a part of Black queer history.
And with the internet now, there are so many influencers that are Black and queer.
I think Black queer history is also ever-expanding.
I agree.
And you touched on just how I feel.
I feel like people don’t even realize just by existing, they’re making history.
And they’re inspiring people literally just by existing.
So I am with you on that.
How much progress do you think we’ve made as Black LGBTQ+ people?
As much as we can.
We’ve made as much progress as we can.
What hopes do you have for queer representation in the future?
Be queer and stay that version of queer for the rest of your days.
I hope that we can just exist, period.
I couldn’t have said it better!
