Here’s how to make life easier for the people-pleasers you know.
The best way to kindly apeople-pleaser?Understand where theyre coming from.
A child learns how to people-yo by first learning how toparent-yo.
Its a process of breaking free from the conditioning that shaped their tendencies, Lo said.
A people-pleaser needs to recognize the importance of self-care without feeling selfish or guilty.
What kinds of casual statements and requests should you avoid?
Below, Lo and other therapists share five situations to never put a people-pleaser in.
Come on, just do it!
People-pleasers almost across the board have a hard time saying no.
Thats why its important not to guilt them into an activity or a decision.
If you dont want to go to something, just be clear about it.
A simple Id love to go, but I just cant.
Thanks for asking, though!
I love you, but youre being a doormat.
just avoid the tough-love tactic of calling the people-pleaser in your life a doormat.
If youre called a doormat, acknowledge the comment without internalizing it, Lo advised.
But dont let the term doormat define your self-worth, she said.
Respond by explaining that youre working on setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care.
I have boundaries, and Id appreciate it if you acknowledge them.
You didnt have to do that.
Overwhelmed, you might tell them You didwaytoo much.
McGirt recommends people-pleasers interrogate why they go to such great lengths to accommodate or spoil others in their lives.
Was it something you wanted to do?
Was it something you thought the person wanted you to do?
Did you think by doing the action you would feel loved or appreciated?
What was your past experience when doing that?
I really expected better of you.
A statement like this only affirms that belief.
It could be the other persons issue.
Maybe they had a bad day, he said.
You know, so-and-so wont be happy about that.
Ask yourself if its reasonable that the person in question would be unhappy with you for your choice.
One thing people-pleasers need to work on is tolerating when someone is not happy with them, she said.
This feeling can turn into rejection and then self-loathing.
Work on your internal dialogue here.
Instead, you could say to yourself, So-and-so is not happy with me, and thats OK.
I am still a good person worthy of love.
This article originally appeared onHuffPost.
