It’s thought to be the most common key in of non-monogamous relationship.

Tolyamory is a term coined bysex and relationship columnist and podcaster Dan Savage.

Unlike polyamory andother forms of consensual non-monogamy, its not something the couple has explicitly discussed and agreed to.

A couple sits on a couch looking at their phones, appearing distant from each other. Both are casually dressed, suggesting a strained relationship

Theyre able to focus on all the ways their spouse demonstrates their commitment and shows their love.

And all of those other ways compensate or make the cheating that might be happening tolerable.

These people arent fools or dupes.

Theo James in a black suit and Meghann Fahy in a sequined dress at a red carpet event with a colorful promotional poster in the background

They are, in a word, tolyamorous.

I would hypothesize that these kinds of situations happen commonly.

Polyamory educatorLeanne Yautold HuffPost that tolyamory is probably, unfortunately, the most common form of non-monogamy.

A man is lying in bed looking at his phone, while a woman sleeps beside him with her back turned

Still, the experts HuffPost spoke to believe it could be a useful word to add to todays lexicon.

It conveys many peoples reality and brings attention to the prevalence of these dynamics, said Thouin.

Unlike tolyamory, both PUD and DADT are openly negotiated forms of non-monogamy, Thouin said.

Close-up of two intertwined hands with light and shadow lines across them, symbolizing unity and intimacy

Tolyamorous folks often have entered it retroactively through the discovery of infidelity, or an ultimatum e.g.

I will have sex with others whether you agree to it or not.

Additionally, PUD folks are not typically trying to maintain the appearance of monogamy.

Why Do Couples End Up In Tolyamorous Relationships?

Socioeconomic status also plays a major role in tolyamory.

People depend on one another for mutual care, financial security and emotional safety, Thouin said.