Youve probably heard phrases like toxic person and toxic positivity, but what about toxic forgiveness?

While you wont find the phrase in a textbook, youll probably be able to relate to the concept.

The adage forgive and forget sums up this notion well.

Two people embrace in a heartfelt hug outside a building, conveying a strong emotional connection

And certain kinds of people may be more likely to deal with toxic forgiveness than others.

As a result, toxic forgiveness can create pain, resentment and unsafe relationships.

This comes from a desire to feel like everything is fine.

A man and woman are engaged in a heated conversation while sitting by the water. The woman appears frustrated, gesturing with her hands, while the man looks upset

This resentment doesnt only affect the person whos doing the forgiving.

We need time and distance from a situation to gain clarity and understand the impact, she said.

We also need time to determine how we really feel about a conflict, Wolff noted.

Two people sitting on a bed looking unhappy, with one person in an orange and white sweatshirt hugging their knees and the other person in a white shirt

And forgiving and forgetting right away doesnt often offer that insight.

Toxic forgiveness may make you feel conflicting emotions in the relationship.

That could be a sign youre dealing with toxic forgiveness.

Woman in a room holding her head with one hand while talking on the phone. The sunlight streams in through the window blinds

Pulling away can also be a sign.

This could also be a sign that you didnt truly forgive someone, West said.

A genuine apology should create understanding and closeness between two people, not distance.

Two people are embracing closely in an intimate hug. Their faces show comfort and affection.

Toxic forgiveness may happen if you accept a poor or defensive apology.

A conversation that includes genuine and healthy forgiving should involve openness and honesty, Wolff said.

That can create more understanding and empathy, Wolff noted.

Downplaying your hurt can also be a red flag.

As mentioned above, people-pleasers may find that they fall into toxic forgiveness more than other folks.

People-pleasers may venture to downplay the hurt a situation has caused, Wolff said.

You may find youre unable to be yourself.

In close relationships, you should be able to be your true self.

But if it feels like that isnt the reality, its a red flag.

So, what does it take to genuinely forgive someone?

What do you want?

And how does this situation impact you?

But keep in mind that not all conflicts deserve the same kind of forgiveness.

In considering the context, its also important to think about the severity of the harm done.

For example, sorry Im late versus sorry I cheated on you are really different, Wolff said.

Not all relationships are worth repairing especially if they regularly cause you harm and strife.

And thats a different, yet equally important, kind of forgiveness.This article originally appeared onHuffPost.