Hi, folks.
Suppose you, like us, have recently watched an episode ofVanderpump RulesorThe Valley.
Spoiler: Brittany did not show up.
At least, not while we were there.
Despite waiting it out from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m., we left Jax’s without a sighting.
Our guess is that in light of their recent separation, she just didn’t feel like it.
Or, she never planned on coming, and Jax told a little fib (shocker).
Brittany hosted a sophisticated dinner party at her new place.
It was, dare we say, a little cute and a bit of a vibe.
Beyond the patio, there were two indoor seating areas.
The second room, where we were seated, had a COMPLETELY different feel.
But when we got there, the place was EMPTY.
Like, it was us, one other party, and the staff (LOL).
Nearly every corner had a framed photograph.
It was very much giving “reliving the glory days.”
It was also giving…shrine.
It’s definitely a place for Bravo fans.
One was for drinks but also had food (maybe appetizers?).
It included some food that wasn’t on the main menu, like Mamaw (Meemaw?
)’s beer cheese, which we obviously ordered because it’s a part of Vanderpump lore.
It even had a section called “Jax’s Favorite Pasta.”
But we did laugh at “The Jax” cocktail which was literally just Tito’s on the rocks.
They also had a cocktail aptly named “The Brittany: Sweet Tea.”
We kept to some classic cocktails because we thought they would be pretty hard to mess up.
Reader: We were wrong.
Genuinely, we did not go into this experience aiming to be haters.
But the espresso martini was bad.
It was too much vodka, not enough creamy espresso flavoring, and all-around a massive miss.
We won’t sugarcoat it; the spicy margarita was also bad.
There was also zero fresh jalapeno flavor, which we were excited about before ordering.
It came with two decent-sized pretzels and some celery (which we barely ate, but whatever).
We were pleased!!!
Also, the serving board was literally Mamaw-branded, with an actual picture of Mamaw.
Okay, but this beer cheese?
Like, absolutely DELICIOUS.
It was smooth, cheese-y, and even a little spicy!
And the beer flavor was nice and subtle.
Hats off to Mamaw.
You win this round.
We also ordered a Margherita pizza flatbread that was decently good anda lotbigger than we were expecting!
We love that!!!
The salad was also yummy with a nice dressing and fluffy croutons!
We’re guessing they may share a kitchen???
When we asked for to-go boxes at the end of the night, it was branded from Rocco’s.
We couldn’t even talk to each other.
Also, as the bar started to fill up, it got so, SO HOT.
There may have been another one in the Jersey/Sport/Picnic Table room, but we were not walking that far.
Behind the door was a small washing area with two single stalls.
And why was there only one little sink literally two feet from one of the stalls???
But, nevertheless, we persisted.
We love you and hope we spelled your name right!!!
And the volume on the TVs will give literally everyone within a mile radius hearing damage.
That’s it for now!
Until next time, or until yet another Vanderpump-related establishment opens up.
And remember, you could watch every episode ofThe ValleyandVanderpump RulesonPeacock.
